


tell me we'll never get used to it

by shadesofemerald



Category: Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Timeline, Angst, Belligerent Sexual Tension, Bucky in Wakanda, Dialogue Heavy, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Hydra (Marvel), Kissing, Loki Needs a Hug, Love Triangle, Love/Hate, Mind Control, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Tony Stark, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, Smut, Torture, Trauma, Violence, but not before a lot of pain, events of infinity war except much different from canon, for the mentally ill bitches who can't choose between bucky and loki, i have a preference for bucky and it shows i'm sorry, i'll make sure everyone gets a happy ending don't worry, it would be a shame if something happened to him, redemption arc, tony is a good dad to you, you go THROUGH it big time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:26:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 27,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26404948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadesofemerald/pseuds/shadesofemerald
Summary: You are a 20 year-old orphan who fell prey to Hydra's experiments, subsequently gaining incredible abilities. After escaping, Tony Stark finds you, and asks you to join the Avengers in exchange for your protection. Will you be able to control your powers and overcome your traumatic past? And what happens when you find yourself caught in the middle of two very broken people?This story takes place in an alternate timeline of the Marvel Cinematic Universe; post-Ultron events but pre-Ragnarok (where the conflict of Civil War never happened).
Relationships: Avengers Team & Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Loki (Marvel)/Reader, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Comments: 17
Kudos: 145





	1. Found

You were walking down the stairs to your bunker when the hair on the back of your neck stood up. Someone was there.

 _God damn it_ , you thought to yourself. Placing the plastic bag of groceries down on the step behind you, you raised your fists and tiptoed down the rest of the hallway -- only to be met with the sight of the one and only Iron Man lounging on your couch.

"What the fuck?" you blurted out, incredulous.

He raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Door was unlocked. You were hard to find, though; I'll give you that much. Never had such trouble tracking anyone down before."

"Did you consider that maybe I didn't want to be found?"

"Nice to meet you too. You can put the defenses down, kid. I'm here as a friend," he said. Although his face was covered by the helmet, you could tell from the tone of his voice that he was sincere.

You dropped your hands to your sides. "What do you want from me?"

"I read the reports about your escape," he said, standing up slowly and stepping out of the suit.

You balled your fists again instinctively. Flashbacks of the tortures the Hydra scientists had put you through in that lab flickered through your mind. You had barely made it out alive.

"You're scared. What did they do to you?"

You sighed. Although you'd never met Tony Stark before, you knew at the very least that you had a common enemy. You could trust him not to use this against you. "You've heard of the Infinity Stones, right?"

"Right. Hydra briefly had control over the Space and Mind stones."

"Those weren't the only two they managed to get a hold of," you said, shaking your head. "Somehow they were using both the Soul and Power stones too. I was in there for almost two years. They imbued me with the essence of those stones so they could--"

"Use you as a weapon," Tony finished, squeezing his temples and grimacing in frustration.

You nodded. "Theoretically, using those two stones in combination can give an individual control over all life in the universe. They only resorted to using a human as a puppet because they couldn't manage to create a device to hold the stones."

"Where are the stones now?"

"Gone. In space, I think. I'm not sure if they ever had the physical stones or if they were just channelling their energies through the Space Stone. Either way, Hydra doesn't have them anymore."

He nodded. "So what are your abilities?"

"The most prominent are the capability to give or take life from other living beings, as well as see into their souls. They combined my cells with vibranium, so I'm strong. Sometimes when I'm fighting I'm able to harness the energy from the Power Stone too, but I have less control over that. There might be more that I'm unaware of."

Tony walked languidly around the room, his hands behind his back. "And you just plan to hide down here forever? I mean, no offense, but the feng shui is _shocking_."

"Right, because there's nothing dangerous about a wanted weapon of potential mass destruction wandering around freely," you laughed. "I'm sure once world governments find out about me I'll be locked away. That is; providing Hydra doesn't get to me first."

"You know, there's a cute little club I have going, I don't know if you've heard of it--"

"No." You interrupted.

"Why not?"

You turned away. You had heard of the Avengers before you were taken by Hydra. _Earth's mightiest heroes._ They operated in somewhat of a moral grey area -- having saved New York from the Chitauri a few years ago, but more recently garnering controversy regarding the tragedy in Sokovia. You didn't see how your place on the team would help with the public's discomfort, especially since you couldn't yet fully modulate your powers.

"You guys are supposed to save people, aren't you? They designed me to be a killing machine."

"So dramatic," Tony chuckled. "Everyone's powers are scary until they learn to control them. But I'll tell you what -- you don't actually have to do anything yet. So long as you just say you're on the team; and you stay with us, no one is going to touch you. Promise."

You sighed. You had spent long enough down here already, and it really was miserable. You figured you were better off in the Avengers' hands than Hydra's.

"Fine."


	2. First Impressions

"Daddy's home!" Tony called out, spreading his arms and bowing in a grandiose gesture. You followed closely behind. None of the Avengers sitting in the living room reacted, used to his antics.

He sighed. "Look alive, princesses. I brought a friend."

At once, all seven heads present turned to look at you and Tony.

"Cap, Bucky, Nat, Wanda, Vision, Thor, Reindeer Games, this is Karma," he continued, pushing you gently in front of him. "Your newest coworker. Play nice."

"Welcome aboard," Cap smiled sincerely. "Sorry there's not exactly a party -- the rest of the team are off attending to personal matters."

Nat jutted her chin out at you. "What can you do?"

You indicated towards Vision, who acknowledged you with a small nod. "I'm a little like him -- I got my abilities from the Soul and Power stones. Hydra experimentation."

"You'll fit in well, then," Wanda replied.

You flashed her a sad smile in return. Of course, several members of the team were products of the same experience.

Loki sat wordlessly in the corner, observing with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

You gestured at him. "Why is he here? Last I heard he tried to blow up Manhattan."

"It's rather rude to point at a god, mortal," Loki remarked.

"My brother is bid to stay here whilst Asgard recovers from the mess he caused," Thor interrupted, shooting a pointed glare his way. "Not to worry. He's being safely monitored until he can return home."

You shrugged, satisfied. Out of everyone's presence in the room, something about Loki's intrigued you. He was troubled; obviously -- but being in his physical proximity, you could see deeper into him. His soul balanced ever so delicately on the line between light and dark. Under the right circumstances, he might even have the ability to do good. Perhaps there was more to him than met the eye.

Your train of thought was interrupted by Steve's phone ringing. Looking at the caller ID, he furrowed his brow and picked up immediately.

"Hello? ... Steady now, is everyone okay? ... Copy that. We'll be there as soon as we can."

He hung up and turned to the rest of the team. "That was Fury. Something's going on down at the S.H.I.E.L.D. base -- said he needs everyone available down there immediately. Wouldn't say what, but it doesn't sound good."

"An excursion?" Loki gasped sarcastically. "How delightful."

Thor scowled at his brother. "You will have no part of this."

"Big guy, I'm going to need you to come with me," Tony said to Thor. "You and I are the only ones that can fly. We'll get there before the others arrive in the Quinjet."

Thor shook his head. "You know Loki can't be left alone."

Tony pointed to you. "Lucky for us, we have a new babysitter."

You looked at Tony incredulously. "I know I said I wasn't ready to join you guys, but I did _not_ sign up for this!"

"We don't exactly have the time to debate this right now," he reasoned. "You're strong enough to kill him if he tries anything. Can you help us out?"

"Are you sure about this, Stark?" Thor asked.

Tony nodded. You sighed. It's not like you really had a choice in the matter.

"Go before I change my mind."

And with that, the Avengers each grabbed their gear and left.

Loki remained unmoving from his position on the couch, fiddling with a metal cube. You studied his regal and pensive profile. Loki was all hard lines and cold air, carrying himself with purpose and elegance. His mystifying aura, along with his piercing gaze and long raven locks, fascinated you.

"You Midgardians have no manners," he laughed, materialising a dagger and twirling it delicately against his fingertips. You blushed, startled that he had obviously noticed your staring.

"I'd hardly call you an expert on the subject," you deflected, walking over slowly to where he was sitting.

He stood up, bringing the two of you face-to-face. "And what would your victims say of you, hm?"

Your blood ran cold. You knew that he was trying to rile you up -- you tried to fight it -- that wasn't you; you were being controlled -- but your anger was stronger than your reason. Adrenaline rushed through you, preparing you to fight.

The demigod grinned, satisfied he'd gotten the intended reaction. "Foolish of them to leave a quivering little girl like you in charge of a god."

Instinctively, you shot your open hand out in front of you, freezing Loki where he stood. The lower half of your arm glowed with a purple aura, reaching out in coils to wrap around your opponent's throat. His eyes grew wide in a mixture of shock and awe, clearly surprised at your power.

You swiped your free hand downwards, knocking his knife to the floor. You walked forwards to hold Loki against the wall, just as you had been trained to do -- paralyse, disarm, and kill. Placing your other hand on his chest, your palm shone an orange light as you began to drain his life force from him.

It was only as his breath started to grow erratic that you realised what you were doing. You recoiled in fear, releasing him from your grip and letting him fall to the floor in a heap.

You turned away and held your head in your hands. Tears welled in your eyes. It was stupid of you to think you could ever be an Avenger when everything that Hydra had instilled in you was still there. You were exactly what they had made you -- a murderer. Only the slightest hint of being provoked, and you had attacked. You were disgusted with yourself.

You felt a hand on your shoulder, and looked up to be met with Loki's emerald-coloured eyes. They were not filled with anger or malice, but rather concern. This was unusual for him; but your display of raw power, even if you couldn't yet fully control it, had earned his respect somewhat. 

"I'm sorry," you whispered.

Loki shook his head in response. "Perhaps we got off on the wrong foot. Believe it or not, I know what it's like."

You looked at him in confusion.

He elaborated. "New York? That wasn't truly me. Someone else was in control."

"You were brainwashed?"

"I suppose that's an apt description, although I dislike the term."

"Why should I believe you?"

"You have every reason not to trust me," he shrugged. "But I do think you and I may be more alike than dissimilar."

You closed your eyes, trying to gauge his intentions. His soul was difficult to read, but you could sense that he was telling the truth.

Poor Loki. He had been abandoned, shunned, let down, lied to all his life... seeing into him, it was no surprise he was so misguided. So intelligent, yet so broken - and sorely misunderstood by almost everyone around him. You felt sorry for him.

"That being said," he continued, bringing you out of your focused state, "I would appreciate it if you didn't try to kill me again."

You smiled. "So long as you behave, that shouldn't be a problem."


	3. Bonding

The Avengers didn't return that night. You barely slept; still not used to your new environment and anxious from the very real possibility that Loki might try escaping. Thankfully, he slept through the night. Your display from last night was more than enough to deter him from stepping out of line.

You took it upon yourself to bake banana bread the next day. A pleasant distraction. You remembered being a great cook before being taken by Hydra -- something your mother had taught you. You had imbued the batter with a small amount of energy, figuring the team could use it after a tough days' work.

Your mind was elsewhere when you took the tin out of the oven. As you placed it on the marble countertop, you accidentally brushed your bare wrist against the searing metal, burning your skin.

"Shit," you muttered, making your way to the tap to run cold water over the area.

You felt Loki's presence behind you.

"If you're about to share one of your smartass comments, don't," you warned him.

He said nothing, instead extending his hand. "May I?"

You frowned, but offered your wrist tentatively.

Loki's fingers began to turn blue. His touch against you was suddenly ice cold, relieving your pain almost immediately. You gasped as you watched the red mark on your skin fade, as if it was never there, and Loki's hands returned to their normal colour.

You looked at him, incredulous. "What was that?"

"I assume you've never heard of a Frost Giant before," he said smugly. "My true heritage comes from the planet of Jotunheim."

"What about Asgard?"

"Adopted by Odin as an infant, and taught magic by my mother. Rather complicated family history."

You considered his answer for a few moments, but decided not to pry.

"Why are you being nice to me?" you asked instead. For a god of mischief, he was being uncharacteristically well-behaved.

He studied your face. "I can't lie to you, can I?"

You shook your head.

"If I step out of line, Stark confines me to a cell downstairs," he sighed in exasperation. "I spent three months in there by myself before I started to go mad -- and to be candid, I'd rather not have that happen again."

Your expression softened. It was a cruel form of punishment that you knew all too well. You understood the Avengers' hesitancy to trust Loki, but it seemed that he was showing some semblance of... remorse? Thor's previously questionable faith in him made sense to you now. He wasn't entirely bad.

"Well," you smiled, trying to lighten the mood, "I'm happy to vouch for you if you don't tell them about my little outburst last night. And you're more than welcome to help yourself to some banana bread if you want it."

Loki opened his mouth to reply; but at that moment, the elevator doors opened and a battered group of the Avengers entered, exhausted.

You ran to greet them, taking some of their equipment and placing it by the door. "Are you guys okay? What happened?"

Cap and Tony exchanged a knowing look. They'd agreed not to tell you about it. 

"Nothing we couldn't handle," Bucky smiled at you. You sensed that for whatever reason, it was a sensitive subject.

You looked at the rest of the group. "Where are Vision and Wanda?"

"They're alright," Nat said. "Wanda pushed herself a little too hard. Vis is taking care of her in her room downstairs."

"More importantly, what is that heavenly smell?" Tony asked, collapsing dramatically on the couch.

You laughed, flattered. "I baked magic banana bread. You all sit down and I'll cut everyone a slice."

You chatted with different members of the team as they all sat eating what you'd cooked. Cap was naturally very easy to get along with -- a true gentleman; he made sure you felt welcomed immediately. Tony took an almost parental concern after you, explaining where to find everything in the facility and letting you know to ask the building's AI, FRIDAY, if you needed anything. You picked his brains about his inventions, having always taken a keen interest in science.

Out of everyone on the team, you found yourself most drawn to Bucky. His soul was more similar to yours than you'd ever seen before. Someone who had always tried to do the right thing; but was now wracked with guilt coming to terms with his violent past after falling into the wrong hands. Although he was a man of few words, he had kind eyes and a warm smile that made you feel secure.

After some time, Thor sat down next to you and gently placed a hand on your shoulder. "Did my brother give you any trouble while we were gone?"

You looked across the room at Loki, who sat alone, silently watching you. The two of you locked eyes, and you gave him a small smile before turning back to face Thor.

"None at all," you reassured him. "You know, your faith in him isn't misplaced."

"What do you see?"

"His soul... part of him wants to do the right thing. He just needs a purpose that's constructive."

Thor thought over this for a second, then nodded and smiled. "The others think I'm mad to believe that he's capable of change. He's betrayed me at every opportunity, and they're right not to trust him, but I'm glad someone shares my hope that the Loki I know is still in there somewhere."

You rested your head on his arm. It would take a lot of work, but you wanted to help Loki. His lashing out was simply a retaliation to being in pain -- which you were no stranger to. You had spent the last two years of your life completely alone, desperate for a friend. It was isolating and maddening, capable of turning anyone bitter. Although apprehensive at first; you were now glad Tony had dragged you into this, having missed the feeling of having a family. For the first time in years, you felt safe.

One by one, people started to take themselves off to bed. The mission had, rightfully, taken a lot out of them. You admired how far they were willing to push themselves for the sake of other people -- something you hoped you'd be able to do eventually. For now, it wasn't wise for you to participate. But you had hope.

Bucky walked with you back to your room.

"I'm just next door if you need anything," he said with a wave. You nodded and closed the door behind you, making your way to your bed and promptly collapsing.


	4. Nightmare

You breathed hard as you looked around at the smoldering remains of the lab that had been your home for the past two years, machines spitting sparks and bodies littering the floor. Alarms blared throughout the facility.

You ran out of your room and down the hall, away from the sounds of screaming and faint echoing explosions. Purple flames licked at every surrounding surface. You didn't know how many hundreds of people were trapped in the rubble behind you, nor how many had already died at your hands. It was easier not to think about it.

You had almost reached the exit when a figure stepped out in front of you, stopping you in your tracks. Nurse Agda.

Agda was the closest thing you had had to a mother since her death. She was the only person in the facility who had treated you with kindness -- holding your hand during procedures, cleaning you up when you were too exhausted to move, listening to you cry after your training experiments. She was the sole reason you hadn't gone insane.

"Don't do this, Karma," she pleaded. "You know it's too dangerous for you to leave when you still can't control your powers."

"Please let me go. I don't want to hurt you," you said, choking back a sob.

You saw tears well in her eyes. "I'm sorry... I can't. If I don't stop you, they'll kill my family."

You stood frozen for a moment, entirely torn between wanting to save yourself or the woman who had kept you alive. It was a lose-lose situation. You had to be selfish.

 _I'm sorry,_ you thought, before breaking into a sprint and shoving the woman in front of you to the floor.

Everything turned white as you ran away from the building which exploded behind you.

You woke up screaming, sat upright with a figure standing over you. You shot a hand out in fear to push it away, but the impact was stopped by something metal.

"Hey, it's okay," Bucky's comforting voice soothed you. "It was just a nightmare. You're okay."

You collapsed into his chest, breathing hard. He sat down next to you on the bed and wrapped an arm around you, holding you close.

A sob escaped you. You weren't in Hydra's hands anymore, but it felt like you would never truly escape from them. You had the same recurring nightmares almost every night, reliving every excruciating experience they had put you through over and over.

"I killed her," you cried. Agda had a family, children -- you would never forgive yourself for taking her life. You had subjected another family to the same grief you had gone through over losing your mother. And for what? You should have just let yourself die. At least that way, you couldn't hurt anyone anymore.

Bucky stroked your hair. He may not have known you all that well yet, but it still pained him to see you this way. "You wanna talk about it?"

You paused for a moment, sniffling, but then nodded. You'd kept it to yourself for so long... you'd never really had anyone to tell. It couldn't hurt to get it out somehow.

"Hydra took me in when I was 18," you began with a sigh. "I had just graduated high school. My mum had passed away the year before, and my dad when I was 11. I didn't really have anyone to take care of me."

"They found me from the gifted science program in school. I'd had a short internship there, although I guess it was more of a front for finding suitable candidates for their experiments. They offered me the opportunity of a lifetime. It seemed too good to be true -- help out with testing this new biological trial; and they'd provide food, accommodation, and pay me a hefty sum on top of it all. They promised I'd help change the world with this invention of theirs. I was too young to understand what I was getting into."

You started to feel sick as you recounted the details of their experiments on you.

"I don't remember a lot of the time I spent in there... I was unconscious a lot of the time, and my brain has blocked other parts out." You shivered. "I'll never forget the feeling of taking the full brunt of cosmic energy the Infinity Stones give off. It was agonising, like I was being set on fire and burning from the inside out. Torn apart atom by atom. I'm still not sure how I survived it."

Bucky looked at you sympathetically. It sounded all too familiar to him. 

"But that's not what I have nightmares about. When they were testing my powers, training me to use them -- I couldn't control them. I killed so many people," you trailed off, choking back a sob. "I can't ever get over something like that."

"You did what you had to do to stay alive," Bucky said softly.

You shook your head. "That's the thing. None of this would have happened if I had just died instead."

"They would have found someone else to take your place."

You considered this for a few seconds.

"There's no point dwelling on the past," he continued. "Whatever you've done, you can't change it. You can only control who you are now and what you do in the future."

Bucky explained how he had gone through the same thing. Hydra had turned him into a serial assassin -- taking over his mind entirely, experimenting on him and using him to exterminate hundreds of people over the course of 50 years. That part of him still laid dormant in his mind, something he would never truly be able to get rid of.

"I can't think too hard about how many people I've killed. Because although it was me, it wasn't really _me_. I have the opportunity to help people now, so that's what I do."

"How did you get past it?" you asked.

"I still haven't. But you can learn to control those emotions, rather than letting them control you."

"Can you teach me?"

He looked at you, his head cocked. 

"How to fight... how to control them." You stammered slightly. "I-- I don't want to be the monster they made me. I want to help."

"It would be my pleasure." He smiled, tucking your hair behind your ear. "But you need rest first. You gonna be okay?"

You nodded, grateful.

"Alright. Just yell out if you need anything. I'm a light sleeper."

"Thank you," you whispered as he shut the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell I love dialogue? I swear I try to write exposition but I always end up telling the story through conversation, oops!


	5. Progress

Time passed. The Avengers came and went on missions, sometimes not returning for days on end. You spent the majority of your time reading up on how to control your emotions and training with Loki, Cap or Bucky in the compound, determined to harness your powers. On occasion, you would join Tony in his lab and work with him as he developed new inventions. 

On this particular day, you had been fighting Bucky in the training room. You'd had a few momentary slip-ups over the past few weeks where your emotions had gotten the best of you and you'd blown holes in the walls, but thankfully Bucky was able to ground you every time. You were grateful to have had his help and patience. The two of you worked well together.

"All you need is practice," he said, helping you up off the floor. "You'll have it under control soon."

You huffed impatiently. "I know. I just want to have it under control _now_." You'd never been good at waiting.

Loki was sitting in the lounge room when the two of you emerged, sweaty and covered in bruises. You hadn't seen him too often in the past few weeks. When he did make an appearance with the rest of the group, he stood off to the side, choosing not to engage in conversation. Most members of the team -- barring you and Thor -- still didn't quite trust him, so they stayed out of his way for the most part.

He was still a mystery to you. On some days, he would act completely polite and civil, but every time you thought you were making some semblance of progress with him, he would revert back to his snarky and standoffish self. Part of you hated that you liked the challenge; that his attempts to push you away only drove you further towards wanting to figure him out. He was far too intriguing for you to give up on.

Loki raised an eyebrow at the two of you. "My, you two sounded like you had lots of fun."

"What's that supposed to mean?" you asked, crossing your arms defensively.

"I know cries of pleasure when I hear them, that's all. Plus, you've certainly looked better."

Your face turned bright red. Bucky shifted uncomfortably beside you. You bit back the urge to deny it, knowing it would only make you look worse.

"Why, are you jealous?" you snarked instead.

Loki said nothing, turning his attention back to the book he was reading. His lack of a reaction infuriated you. You, on the contrary, always became completely flustered whenever he teased you. Somehow, he knew exactly just how to press all of your buttons. You didn't know why you bothered being nice to him at all.

As you were making your way back to your room to shower, you heard Tony's voice call out for you. You peeked your head into the room he was in, where he motioned for you to come stand beside him.

"Eyeliner's been telling me about your progress with him. I gotta say, I'm impressed."

You smiled. Tony's nicknames were one of your favourite things about him.

"The holes in the wall are a pain in the ass to keep fixing, but we could really use someone like you on the team. So. Question. What's your favourite colour?"

"Green... why?"

"Well, you'll need your uniform eventually. I've been working on a little something," he said, swiping his hand to reveal a hologram of what you could only assume was a suit designed for you.

You gasped. It was simple, but badass -- a black full-length catsuit with green accents. Tony had even attached knife holsters to the thighs, factoring in your blade combat training.

He continued. "The threads are infused with vibranium, so it's more protective than it looks. I made it fireproof too, considering your affinity for arson."

You stifled a giggle. The energy from the Power Stone tended to set things alight when you got excited. You were trying to get that under control.

"Thank you," you said, wrapping your arms around his waist in a hug. He ruffled your hair, the way a father might do to their kid. The thought made a lump form in your throat. You'd missed having a family _so_ much -- it felt like you were finally where you belonged. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a filler chapter, I’m sorry! the next chapter is more fun to make up for it. I think the development of this story will be a fairly slow burn, I have a lot of ideas but I'm not entirely sure where I want to take it yet. I also struggle writing super long chapters, so it might end up being a million short chapters long hahaha. do feel free to tell me your thoughts at any time, all criticism is welcome!


	6. Tension And Discovery

You and Loki had the entire training room to yourselves the next day. Both of you brandished daggers, circling one another after your third round of sparring.

Strands of his hair laid plastered to his face with sweat. The combination of his leather getup, flushed cheeks and gentle panting was almost erotic -- and it was distracting you. The tension between you two was palpable, finally coming to the surface after having built up weeks' worth of insults, taunts and mind games. Loki used this to his advantage, knowing how easily he could disconcert you after your conversation yesterday.

"You look positively ravishing in that suit," he purred.

Although he was extraordinarily skilled in combat, his proclivity for talking during fights created slight vulnerabilities that were easy for you to strike at.

"Your silvertongue won't get you far, _Your Highness_ ," you breathed, lunging forward and hooking your foot around his. You pulled his leg out from underneath him, tripping him over onto his back. In his dazed state, you took the chance to disarm him and straddle his stomach, pressing your knife to his throat and holding his hands to his sides with your legs.

"Call me that again and I'll put you on your knees," he growled. 

You froze, distracted by the imagery.

Taking advantage of your momentary falter, he snatched the knife out of your hand and flipped you over, slamming your back into the floor. Mounting you in a flash, he pinned your arms above your head, leaving his hair dangling over your face.

He grinned with his signature disgusting smirk. "Now this is more like it."

You scowled, knowing you were physically overpowered. "Get off me."

"Is that arousal I see in your eyes, pet?"

"Murder, actually. I should have slit your throat when I had the chance." He wasn't wrong, and you hated him for it. But you would rather die than give him the satisfaction of knowing that.

"You can't lie to the patron of lies, you know." He winked, removing himself from you and extending a hand.

You swatted it away and stood up yourself.

"You might be a god, Loki, but you know that I could kill you if I wanted to."

"I'd like to see you try."

"No, I don't think I will," you smiled, taunting him. "I'm quite fond of your brother. I'd hate to lose his favour."

Loki's eyes darkened at your remark. He grabbed a fistful of your hair in one hand, roughly pushing you against the wall with the other. Your breath quickened in anticipation. You knew he utterly despised it when you mentioned his brother -- but he wouldn't really hurt you, would he?

"I should teach you a lesson for that," he spat, tilting your chin up towards him.

You were completely at his mercy, your faces mere inches away from one another. Your eyes flickered to his lips.

The door to the training room slammed open suddenly, dissipating whatever moment you were having just as quickly as it had formed. You kneed Loki in the stomach, pushing him off you before turning to see who had entered.

Tony.

“Get over here, Karma,” he said. The tone in his voice was serious. You felt your stomach drop, scared you’d done something wrong.

He stopped you just outside the room. “What the fuck was that?”

“Nothing. We were just sparring.”

“Didn’t look like nothing to me. Don’t bullshit me, Karma.” He was pissed.

“Nothing happened! Why are you so upset?”

“Because it’s Loki!” he whispered aggressively. “He can pretend to behave for as long as he likes, but we still don’t know what his true intentions are or what he might be capable of. Pardon me if I’m still a little wary after he sent an army of _aliens_ into my backyard. The last thing we need is him seducing members of the team, or whatever the hell that was.”

You almost lost your cool, but faltered. You understood why he was scared. It was partly true, too; but not everyone could see the things that you could.

“I know you don’t trust him, Tony, but you have to trust me. I’ve got a good read on him -- so the second he starts plotting anything, I’ll know.”

Tony sighed and squeezed your shoulder. He did trust you, but it was difficult for him to relax around Loki given his track record. He wouldn't tell you this; but he still had nightmares every night that the Chitauri had come back, killing everyone he cared about except for himself. He would do anything to prevent that from happening. In reality, you were still just a kid -- he couldn't live with himself if something happened to you on his watch. 

“Right. Sorry, kid. I just want you to be safe.”

You nodded, and he let you go. You went back into the training room, hoping to get in another round of sparring, and found Loki with his back turned to you, his body tense.

“Why don’t you tell me what you really think of me?” he asked, turning around to face you with quiet anger simmering behind his eyes.

You looked at him, bewildered.

“Don’t you feign innocence, now. I should have known you were only pretending to be kind. You humans are so transparent.”

“Loki, what the hell are you talking about?”

“You didn’t think I’d hear that little conversation?” he sneered. “Go on. Tell me to my face how much of a monster you think I am.”

You reeled. “Are you dense? I stuck up for you! When your brother isn’t here, I’m the _only_ one who sticks up for you! Why do you think you haven’t been sent to solitary confinement again?”

“Yes, your friends certainly make no mystery of exactly how little they _tolerate_ me,” he hissed. “Keeping me imprisoned in the building like a caged dog, and otherwise ignoring me when I’m not being scolded like a misbehaving child. I’m _truly_ thankful.”

Your blood boiled. Loki’s eyes widened as he looked at something past your head -- two shadowy, humanoid figures had materialised behind you. A new ability. Although he wasn't scared of you, he didn't want a repeat of what had happened on your first night supervising him in the compound. 

“Hey,” he said, the tone of his voice suddenly calm. “You’re alright. Let’s not do this again.”

You closed your eyes and tried to focus on your breathing, your nails digging into your palms as you tightened your fists. You had to keep your emotions under control -- you couldn’t let Loki get under your skin. Not when you’d been making such good progress with your powers.

You turned around and stormed out of the room before you did anything you would regret. The shadowy effigies dissipated, leaving Loki standing alone.

" _Shit_ ," Loki muttered to himself. Under any other circumstance, he would usually feel some sense of victory gaining the reaction that he had out of you. So why did he feel terrible? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay for discovering new powers! and also for sexual tension!  
> also, since there's romance between characters here, I just want to clarify that in this story the Avengers are in their mid 20s? I'm imagining Bucky as like, 25, and Tony as 38ish if that gives you any idea. (we're just going to pretend their canon ages don't exist)


	7. Why?

You found yourself outside of Bucky’s room. You hesitated for a moment before knocking.

“It’s me,” you said, your voice slightly strangled.

Bucky opened the door to find you with your head hanging, trying to hold back tears. He enveloped you in a wordless hug. You leaned your forehead on his shoulder and took a deep breath, his mere presence being enough to calm you down.

He led you to his bed, where he sat down beside you.

“What’s wrong?” he asked softly. “Did Loki do something?”

You nodded reluctantly.

“Tony can put him back in solitary confinement if he’s causing trouble. You don’t have to protect him.”

“No, that’s not it,” you sighed. You knew that punishing Loki would only cause him to resent you, and you didn’t want that. “Look. Let me show you something.”

Focusing in on the anger you were feeling before, you conjured one of the same shadowy figures that you had in the training room. You directed your attention to a book on Bucky’s shelf. The figure walked over and picked it up, holding it for a few moments before placing it back. You waved your hand and watched it dissipate.

“Woah.” Bucky looked at you in awe. “That’s new.”

“Yeah. Seems like strong emotions are both my enemy and my friend.”

“Are you okay?”

“I am now,” you smiled, looking up at the long-haired man sitting next to you.

Something passed between the two of you, drawing you towards him. You felt yourself start to lean in, your body moving on its own accord.

Conflicting emotions stirred inside of you. You had definitely begun to develop feelings for Bucky, but you couldn’t seem to stop thinking about what Loki had said to you. You cursed yourself internally. Why couldn’t you let yourself just have one nice thing? Were you always going to focus on the negative? And why the hell did you even care this much?

You stopped yourself halfway, instead choosing to rest your forehead against Bucky’s.

“Sorry,” you whispered, closing your eyes and raising a hand to rest against his cheek.

He shook his head lightly and moved his own hand to cover yours, stroking it with his thumb. “It’s okay. You wanna lay down for a bit?”

You nodded, shifting in the bed so he could lie next to you. You rested your head on his chest, one arm wrapped around his torso. You were unimaginably thankful for Bucky’s patience and understanding. It was nice to have someone you knew you could trust.

Trying not to think about Loki, you closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep.

You woke a few hours later to see Bucky sitting hunched over in the bed, breathing hard.

You raised yourself up and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, you okay?”

In the blink of an eye, he grabbed you by the throat with his metal arm and stood up, holding you off the floor. Your heartbeat began to race as he tightened his grasp. You kicked your legs, trying to find the ground, your hands clawing at his fingers in a futile attempt to get him to let go.

“Bucky, please…” you rasped. Your face was turning red, and you could barely breathe. “It’s me. Please let go…”

Your pull on his arm began to weaken as you felt yourself become lightheaded. All of a sudden, you heard him gasp and the grip around your throat loosened. Your legs gave out from underneath you and you collapsed to the floor, gasping for air.

What had he done?

“Karma!’ Bucky cried, kneeling on the floor beside you and cupping your face in his hands. “Are you okay?”

You coughed weakly in response. The room was spinning.

“I’m so, so, sorry,” he whispered, pulling you close in a hug. You had to stop yourself from flinching at his touch. “I’m so sorry. I would never mean to hurt you.”

“It’s okay,” you said, trying your best to console him.

“No, it’s not. I’m so sorry… I haven’t had a nightmare like that in months, I…”

“Bucky.”

He looked at you with tears in his eyes. He couldn't believe that he'd hurt you. Granted, it was an accident and he couldn't possibly have known, but that didn't make him feel any better.

“It's okay. You know I understand better than anyone.”

“But I _hurt_ you! I--”

“Our instincts are just telling us to fight,” you interrupted, running a hand through his hair in a comforting gesture. “That’s all it is. It’s okay. I know you’d never deliberately lay a finger on me.” The truth was; you were scared and shaken up, but you knew it wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t you he was fighting in that dream. He’d been so kind to you.

Tears rolled down his cheeks. You felt an overwhelming pang of sadness and guilt in your stomach, having inadvertently tapped into what he was feeling. You fought back tears of your own, instead choosing to press your lips to his forehead. He relaxed somewhat at your touch.

You pulled away and smiled, remembering how he’d comforted you on one of your first few nights at the compound. “Tables have turned, huh?”

He managed a small laugh despite the situation. “Sure, now we’re even.”

“I’m gonna go take a shower, okay?” you said, standing up and extending a hand to help him off the floor. You could sense that he wanted to be alone for a bit.

He nodded. You let your hands linger in his for a few moments before leaving and making your way back to your bedroom.

Locking the door behind you, you grabbed your pajamas and entered the ensuite. You were grateful for the amount of space the compound had. You didn’t think you could handle having to talk to anyone right now.

As you waited for the water to warm up, you stared at yourself in the mirror. You were a mess. Your cheeks were stained with trails of mascara, and your hair was knotted and slightly crispy with sweat. Gross. You were glad you kept it short, at least.

You looked at your neck where faint purple bruises had started to form. You had no idea how you were going to explain that to the others, but that was the least of your worries right now.

Stepping into the shower, you let the hot water wash over your face and body; soaking in its warmth for a moment before you started to cry. The combination of the running water and ventilation fan drowned out the noise, so that no one other than you could hear your sobs echoing around the bathroom. This day had been far too overwhelming.

 _He was just dreaming_ , you thought to yourself. _That’s not the Bucky I know_.

You knew that he didn’t mean it, but it had still shaken you. It was scary, knowing that someone who cared about you -- and you about them -- could turn on you so violently.

You had found yourself caught in the middle of two very broken people. 


	8. Extraterrestrial Encounter

You hadn’t seen Bucky since three days ago when he’d had that nightmare -- he had been avoiding you. He obviously felt awful. You let him have his space, distracting yourself by training with Steve instead. He’d come around when he was ready.

On this particular morning, it was only you and Loki in the compound. Everyone else had gone home to relax for the weekend, it being the first in months they hadn’t been assigned to a mission. You, of course, were still on babysitting duty. You didn't mind, considering you didn't have much else to do.

Surprisingly, Loki had been softer towards you after your fight. Not so much as a snide remark passed his lips once -- you assumed that was his way of apologising. It was probably better that the two of you pretended it had never happened, regardless. 

The two of you were sitting wordlessly in the lounge room reading when a piercing, animalistic screech came from outside. 

You looked at Loki in panic, who had completely paled fixating on the glass windows behind you. Something was terribly wrong. 

“Follow me and do exactly as I ask,” he said in a low voice, standing up slowly. “Whatever you do, do _not_ look at it.” 

You didn’t bother questioning him, sensing the fear radiating off him in waves. He led you out of the room and through the door that led to the backyard, where whatever creature that had made that noise was waiting. It was almost civilised; waiting for Loki to approach rather than just attacking. What the hell was going on?

“Wait behind this pillar while I deal with this,” he muttered. “Time to put your trust in me to the test.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. He’d been behaving, but you couldn’t shake the sense of uneasiness that had settled in your gut. For whatever reason, he obviously didn’t want to call the others into this -- but you could hardly just wait idly by. Before you could object or ask questions, however, he walked out into the open area, leaving you with your mind racing. 

_I’m toast if Tony finds out about this_ , you thought to yourself before focusing your attention on listening to the scene behind you, trying to decipher the situation.

“Have you come back to kill me?”

“To offer a second chance to prove yourself,” a strangled voice replied. It sounded... alien.

Loki laughed. “I failed. Why trust me again?”

“The hardest choices require the strongest wills. Few beings exist with such conviction.”

“I’m flattered.” Loki deadpanned. “Do enlighten me on what this plan of yours entails.”

You squeezed your eyes shut as you focused in on Loki. His soul was clouded over, difficult to read. He had masked his intentions, but why? Was he going to betray you?

“Thanos needs all six of the Infinity Stones to execute his great vision. He believes that you can help him locate and acquire the ones on Earth and Asgard, in exchange for salvation. Once he is done, you may rule over this broken planet -- the humans’ governing systems will be in pieces. They will not resist this time.”

“That’s a quaint little offer, but I can't say I'm a huge fan of being tortured."

“Think carefully about your choice, Asgardian. Those who stand against our leader will perish.”

“For one thing, I’m not Asgardian,” he said smugly. “And for another, he will never be a god.”

“You will regret this,” the creature snarled. 

You heard the unmistakable sound of a dagger being withdrawn from its sheath. Sensing conflict, you jumped out from behind the pillar and ran towards where the two of them stood.

Your fists glowed purple. You sent a blast out to the alien in front of you, expecting to knock it over, but with a wave of its hand it redirected the energy, sending it hurtling into the trees instead.

“Your powers are inconsequential compared to mine,” it said, forming an invisible grip around your throat and picking you up, then throwing you through the glass windows of the compound’s ground floor.

You hit your head _hard_ on the tile. You tried to get up, but the room was spinning around you. Your body stung all over, covered in cuts from the shattered glass. 

As you lay there incapacitated, Loki was expending all of his energy fighting. He moved swiftly with his dagger, almost as if he was dancing, slicing the opponent at its weak points and dodging its magic where he could. He cursed you silently for getting involved, but he was going to do everything in his power to not let it hurt you.

Time seemed to tick by agonisingly slowly for you as you lay paralysed on the floor. The sounds of them fighting sounded distant, warped. You were supposed to be stronger than this -- it was almost as if the alien had drained your power from you. Were you really going to be wiped out so easily?

 _Come on_ , you thought to yourself, focusing on trying to get the world to stop moving. You heard Loki yell out in pain and started to panic. 

Mustering all of your remaining energy to get up, you saw him sprawled on the grass, unmoving, with the creature advancing towards him.

“No!” you screamed, taking off running and throwing yourself in between them with your hands out. Orange light exploded out of your palms, enveloping the creature. It crumpled to the floor, dead. 

You kneeled next to Loki and placed a hand on his chest, checking to see whether he was still breathing. He stirred slightly and you breathed a sigh of relief, sinking fully to the ground. 

Loki sat up and looked at the dead alien, then at you. He was the first to speak. 

“I thought I told you not to move.”

“Are you _kidding_ me? I just saved your ass!” you yelled. You couldn’t believe the nerve of him. 

“Why?”

The question surprised you.

You huffed. “Believe it or not, I don’t think you’re a monster.”

He ignored your attempt to deflect. “I’m more of a burden than a help to you. Why did you save me?”

You paused for a moment, letting out a long breath.

“I care about you, I guess,” you said tentatively. “Even though you’re awful to me. I know there’s good in you -- hell, you just proved it by saying no to that thing’s offer.”

Loki studied your face, the emotions behind his eyes a mystery. Still, he said nothing, silently encouraging you to keep talking. 

“Something’s holding you back from changing, though. What is it?”

He scoffed. “For my entire life; every time I have tried to do the right thing, I’ve been scorned or dismissed. The times I’ve actually managed to go through with anything, I’ve -- in Midgardian terms -- fucked it up.”

Thor had told you about his past; and to be honest, you couldn’t blame him for being bitter and resentful. He truly believed that he deserved a throne. Anyone would turn to revenge when lied to their entire life about their identity and having their world as they knew it ripped away from them.

“The way I see it, why should I show kindness to a world that hates me? Even if I wanted to change, no one would believe me.”

“Your brother would.”

“Perhaps, but he’s an idiot.”

“What about me?”

Loki gave you a strange look. “You baffle me. You’ve seen how abhorrent my soul is. You know full well the things that I’ve done. Where does your faith come from?”

“Faith, stubbornness, call it whatever you want,” you smiled at him. “Just because you’ve fallen on your ass doesn’t mean you have to stay there.”

You thought you caught the corners of his lips tugging up ever so slightly, but he returned to his usual brooding expression just as quickly. 

He shrugged. “What does it matter? Even if I tried to do the right thing, I’d surely manage to ruin it somehow. At least by deliberately choosing immorality I can say that I meant for things to end up in chaos.”

You decided not to push the subject. Loki obviously had a lot he needed to work through. You didn’t expect to change his mind overnight, but with a little work, you were sure he could get there. The fact that he trusted you enough to open up to you about his feelings told you he was already making progress. He wasn't heartless.

“But… I fear something terrible may be happening,” he digressed, genuine worry now audible in his voice. “Thanos is coming.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh oh, is that plot development I see? and loki... doing the right thing?


	9. Conflict

“Who?”

Loki exhaled. “They call him the Mad Titan. He’s... the one that sent me to New York.”

“What does he want?”

“To get rid of half of all life in the universe.”

You laughed, but quickly faltered as you realised Loki was being serious. 

“I’m sorry, what?” you asked, unsure you’d heard him correctly. 

“He believes the metaphorical scales require balancing, so to speak,” he elaborated. “All in the name of salvation. The universe’s resources are finite. Halving the population allows for the other half to have a good life.”

“So, genocide.”

“Yes, but random. Impartial. With all six stones, he could simply snap his fingers and they would cease to exist. He thinks that’s mercy. It’s deranged, even by my standards.”

You buried your head in your hands. “But you knew this was happening?”

Loki shifted uncomfortably. The truth was; he hadn’t wanted to talk about it. He’d wanted to forget what Thanos had put him through. That wasn’t an option anymore. 

“I never thought he’d manage it. At least, not anytime soon -- no one knows the locations of the Soul or Power stones.” 

You groaned, getting to your feet. This was a nightmare. You needed a team meeting.

“So much for a vacation,” you mumbled, walking back inside. “FRIDAY, call everyone in.”

You found a broom and swept up the broken glass covering the floor as you waited for the team to arrive. You chuckled despite the situation. It seemed like you couldn’t stop breaking things -- you’d apologise to Tony for that later. 

He was the first to arrive, clad in his Iron Man suit. As soon as he saw you, his face dropped.

He stepped out of the suit and ran to envelop you in a hug. “Kid, what the hell happened to you?”

“I’m okay,” you said, pulling back to smile weakly at him. “Can’t say the same for the window, though…”

His eyes darkened and he turned to Loki angrily, pointing his finger in accusation. “Was this you?”

“No!” you cried, jumping in between them. “He didn’t do anything. Please just wait until the others get here and I’ll explain.” You pointed out towards the dead alien laying on the grass outside. 

Tony turned to follow your finger. All the blood drained from his face when he realised what the creature was. An Outrider. All too similar to the Chitauri, it seemed as though his worst fears were coming true. 

Nat arrived next, closely followed by Thor. Bucky and Cap entered together, talking quietly amongst themselves. Bucky met your eyes worriedly, concerned by the amount of blood on you. 

_ You okay? _ he mouthed. You nodded, walking to sit down with the rest of the group. 

No one uttered a word as you relayed all of the information that Loki had just told you. Tony wrung his hands nervously as you explained who the Outriders were -- a genetically modified army of aliens that served Thanos -- and how Thanos was the orchestrator behind Loki’s attack on New York in 2012. 

There was a small silence as everyone processed what they had just been told. Cap was the first to speak.

“How long do we have?”

“Hard to say,” Loki muttered. “He needs all six stones to execute his plan. It’s obviously already in motion if he came looking for me, but our advantage is that he doesn’t know where the majority of them are. Yet.”

“Forgive me for asking, but how are we supposed to trust you with this?” Tony asked. 

“He’s telling the truth,” you argued. “Loki’s not the enemy here. Can we focus?”

“Kind of hard to believe that when he’s the reason the bastards ever came here in the first place.”

“You don’t have to forgive him, but we do have to work together,” you snapped. “If Thanos gets his hands on more than one stone, that’ll make him stronger than any creature in the universe -- so we’re going to need all the help we can get. Where is the rest of the team?”

It became apparent that the Avengers were somewhat fractured. Bruce was missing. Clint had retired to take care of his family. Rhodes was stationed in Mexico on a government assignment. T’Challa was busy attending to his duties as the king of Wakanda, with his father having just died. You were in desperate need of backup.

“Where are Vis and Wanda?” you asked. 

Tony looked at his feet. “They, uh, asked for time. Vision turned off his transponder a few days ago.”

Nat raised an eyebrow. “Have you seriously lost another super-bot?”

“He’s not lost. He’s... evolving. He was very adamant they not be contacted.”

“What about your new recruit, Tony?” Cap proposed.

“I will  _ not _ drag the kid into this,” he growled, anger flashing in his eyes. “He’s 15. It’s far above his pay grade.”

The discussion was quickly devolving into an argument, everyone talking over the top of one another. Nobody noticed the sky outside turn dark as thunder rumbled.

A bolt of lightning struck just outside the compound, shaking the floor and everything inside the building. Everyone faltered and looked at Thor in shock, who stood with a stern look on his face. 

“That’s enough,” he said. “Loki’s right. The stones are well guarded, so it won’t be easy for him. What’s important now is that we make use of the warning we’ve been given.”

The team stayed silent, waiting for him to keep talking. 

“I’ll let Asgard know of the threat. We’ll seal the Space Stone away so he can’t get it. I’ll also contact the neighbouring realms to warn them and gather information, but you have my word that I’ll return as soon as I can.”

You looked around the room. Despite the tension, everyone seemed to be in silent agreement. The last thing you needed was for the group to split up even further than it already had, and although the situation was grave; there wasn’t much the rest of you could do for now except wait. 

With that, Thor summoned the Bifrost and left for Asgard. Tony excused himself and made his way to his lab, muttering something about energy signatures. Cap and Nat discussed something in hushed tones whilst Bucky took your hand wordlessly and led you to your bedroom.

Bucky sat beside you in your bed, tending gingerly to your wounds. The way his metal fingertips brushed like feathers against your bare skin sent shivers up your spine. 

“You shouldn’t be so reckless, doll,” he said softly, dabbing at the dried blood on your arm with a wet washcloth. “Something terrible could have happened to you.”

You let out a quiet hum in agreement. You knew you were lucky to have escaped relatively unscathed. You'd never faced anything like the Outriders before, and it scared you to think that they were more powerful than you were. 

A comfortable silence settled between the two of you as he cleaned you up, wiping away the sweat and grime and disinfecting your more serious wounds. You tried not to wince as the alcohol stung at your injuries. Thankfully, none of them were deep enough to require stitches. You'd be fine in just a few days.

He brushed your hair out of your face particularly tenderly to bring the washcloth to your chin, tracing it slowly around your jawline. The way he looked at you was pleading, desperate, sad. Guilt was written all over his features. 

“About the other day…” he whispered.

You shook your head. “Don’t apologise.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but you cut him off, sliding one hand around his neck and bringing his face down to meet yours. You pressed your lips to his ever so gently, hoping that your actions would communicate what you wanted to say better than words could. He released all the tension he was holding in his shoulders, softening into the kiss.

After a few seconds, you pulled away, looking deeply into his eyes. Much to your dismay, they were still filled with sorrow.

“What’s wrong?” you murmured, tangling your fingers in his hair.

He pulled his hands from your face and into his lap. “I don’t want you to do that out of pity…”

You sat up. “Bucky, it wasn’t…”

“Get some rest,” he said, and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Let’s not complicate things for now. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You knew there was no point pleading with him. He was a damaged man, wracked with shame and regret about his past. He didn’t feel worthy of love or kindness after all that he’d done, regardless of whether he’d had a choice or not. You wanted nothing more than to hold him close and tell him it was okay, but you knew it wouldn’t change how he felt. 

Instead, you watched him get up and close the door behind him wordlessly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter isn't great, I spent so long trying to write it and nothing really felt right! things should hopefully be picking up from this point on though. thank you to anyone who's reading, I'm quite honestly just writing this as a completely self-indulgent fic so I'm super glad if others enjoy it too ^^;;


	10. Turn Of Events

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: description of violence

Tony stayed up all night and well into the next day, forgoing sleep to research the Time Stone. According to Loki; it was located on Earth, but its exact whereabouts were a mystery. 

He brought you into the lab to run a few biological scans on you; considering you had been imbued with the essence of two Infinity Stones. Using the results together with the data he’d collected on the Mind Stone when it was still in the scepter, he set up a program to identify any similar energy signatures on the planet. The stones gave off massive amounts of gamma radiation -- so by running the program through every tower and satellite accessible by Earth, he hoped to be able to track the Time Stone down, and Vision along with it. 

Your head shot up as the door to the lab slammed open. Tony hardly so much as flinched, engrossed in his work. 

It was Pepper.

“I’m beginning to wonder if agreeing to marry you was a mistake,” she glowered. 

You frowned. Marriage?

“Pep, I can explain--”

“Not having it. We’ve just gotten engaged -- very publicly; mind you -- and you haven’t answered any of my calls in over 24 hours!”

“I know, I’m sorry, something came up--”

“I don’t care. We’re holding a reception tonight for the press, and you don’t have any other choice but to be there.”

You cleared your throat gently, uncomfortable to be witnessing the lovers’ quarrel. 

Pepper’s face lit up in excitement when she saw you. “You must be Karma!”

You nodded in response, unsure whether you should leave the room or not. She walked over to give you a friendly hug.

“Tony talks about you all the time,” she smiled. “We’d love for you to be there. The invitation is naturally extended to anyone on the team.”

You turned to Tony. “You didn’t think to tell us about this?”

He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “Yeah… I meant to break the news yesterday, but given the series of events that unfolded I figured it might’ve been inappropriate.”

Pepper rolled her eyes, then took your hand and began to lead you out of the lab.

“Go take a shower and make yourself presentable before I divorce you,” she called over her shoulder as the two of you exited.

You stopped just outside of the door. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

You shook your head. “I completely forgot… as much as I’d love to come, someone has to supervise Loki. He’s been helping us, but Tony still doesn’t trust him, and Thor’s not here…”

She mulled it over. She’d seen firsthand the effect that the events of New York had had on Tony, so naturally she was just as wary of the demigod.

“Well, do you?”

You hesitated for a moment, but nodded. “He’s not a bad person.”

Pepper sighed. Although she wasn’t thrilled about it, she trusted your judgement. “I’d really like for you to be there, so I guess he can tag along... but he’d have to wear a disguise. I’m not sure the media would take too kindly to seeing us breaking bread with an intergalactic terrorist.”

“Sure, that’ll be easy for him,” you stifled a giggle. 

She smiled and pointed in the direction of the bedrooms. “Sorry Tony dragged you into one of his hyperfixations. Go take a shower and I’ll find you something to wear.”

  
  


You looked at your reflection in the mirror. You were wearing a full-length gold and black dress that Pepper had borrowed from Nat. It had a deep plunging V-neck, held up by two thin straps tied into a small bow behind your neck. Your back was exposed, and your hair lightly curled. You looked… elegant. Almost unrecognisable. It was a welcome change from your usual attire of oversized shirts and combat boots.

You exited your room and made your way to the main lounge where the rest of the team was waiting. There was a collective gasp of shock as everyone turned to look at you. You blushed and turned your gaze to the floor, embarrassed by the attention. 

"Jesus," Nat whistled. "You look a lot better in that than I do."

Bucky walked up to you and took your hand. He was dressed simple and classy, wearing a standard white shirt and black tuxedo. His long hair was slicked behind his ears.

“You look beautiful,” he said in a low voice. You squeezed his hand in response. 

Loki said nothing, but you could feel his eyes boring into you from across the room. The thought made you shiver. He looked _impossibly_ good; dressed entirely in black -- suit, shirt, tie and all. If Thor was here, he would have said he looked like a witch. You suppressed a smile at the idea.

Your eyes caught with Clint’s. He’d made a special appearance for the celebration.

He grinned and waved at you. “Nice to meet you, kid.”

“Alright,” Tony announced, clapping his hands together. “Everyone sticks with their date tonight. Nat, you’ve got Clint. Cap, you’re with Barnes. And Karma, you’ve got the leash on Rock of Ages. We ready to roll?”

Everyone nodded. You looked at Loki, and he immediately understood. He glowed with a green light as his appearance changed. You gasped when he was finished -- he looked _exactly_ like Thor. He probably despised having to take his brother's likeness for the night, but it was the most reasonable choice.

“After you, my lady,” he said to you with just the slightest hint of sarcasm. The resemblance in his voice was uncanny. It seemed as though he kept the true extent of his powers to himself.

With that; everyone loaded into the enormous luxury helicopter sitting on the front lawn and you made your way to the event. 

  
  


“Holy shit,” you breathed, looking around at the hall you’d just entered. It was beyond extravagant -- you’d never seen anything like it. Crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling whilst delicate, _expensive_ floral arrangements decorated the mahogany tables. Tony was never one for subtlety. 

The lot of you took your seats at the main table, chatting idly as the rest of the guests slowly arrived. Music played softly through the surround sound speakers. 

Although this was far from what you were used to; it was nice to just be able to relax and feel some semblance of normalcy. Everyone was getting along well, the fight from a few days ago seemingly having been forgotten. 

After everyone had taken their places, Tony stood up with a microphone. He tapped it experimentally. “Is this thing on?”

His voice echoed around the room, earning laughter from the guests. He began to make a speech, thanking everyone for coming. 

All attention was on him until you felt the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. 

“Something’s wrong,” you whispered to Loki, sitting next to you. He looked at you quizzically, but said nothing. 

Almost as if on cue, all the doors to the room burst open at once and a swarm of men in suits stormed the room, training guns on everyone at your table and a few on other guests in the room. You recognised their faces as the security guards that had been patrolling the building. 

One man holding a rifle pointed at Tony motioned towards you. “Give us the girl and the rest of you will make it out alive.”

Your heart plummeted. Hydra. Of course they’d found you with the Avengers -- it couldn’t have been a more obvious choice. You cursed yourself inwardly for your lack of foresight; going to such a public event. 

“I thought we got rid of the last of you bastards,” Clint yelled. 

The agent chuckled. “You should know better by now. Cut off one head… two more grow back in its place.”

“I’m going to kill Happy for this,” Tony mumbled, pulling out a small triangular-shaped object from his pocket and attaching it to his chest. With two quick taps, a brand-new nanotech suit branched out from the housing unit, covering him in mere seconds. You marvelled at the technology, but now wasn’t the time to stop and admire his handiwork. 

He held up a palm to the ceiling, shooting a hole through it with his repulsor. “Gotta get Pep somewhere safe. Won’t be a minute.”

Before any of the agents could react, he snaked an arm around Pepper’s waist and took off out of the building. 

“He’s going to regret that,” one of the men said, cocking his gun and pointing it directly at you. You dove under the table just before he fired, the bullet narrowly missing your leg. They were shooting to wound you, not to kill.

Screams erupted from around the room as more agents began to fire. You ripped your heels off your feet in a flash and rolled to the side, dodging more of the ammunition they were attempting to shoot at you. 

You crawled back out from underneath the table, seeing every Avenger already in combat. Your eyes landed on the media table, where a group of paparazzi were cowering in fear.

“Get them out of here!” you screamed to Cap, pointing in their direction. He nodded and raised his shield to cover the group of civilians, defending them as he herded them out of the fire exit safely. 

On the other side of the room, Bucky fought hand-to-hand with an agent almost double his size. The man grinned nastily, blocking the soldier’s punches, and began to recite a string of words in Russian. “Longing. Rusted.”

Bucky’s stomach sank. “No!” he yelled, punching his opponent square in the face with his metal arm. 

He stumbled, but regained his balance, spitting out a tooth before continuing. “Furnace. Daybreak.”

“Stop it!” He kneed him in the stomach, bringing his fist up to connect with the sweet spot just above his eye socket where the skull was thinnest as he doubled over. The man’s legs collapsed beneath him, unconscious. 

Bucky’s chest heaved uncontrollably as a sense of immense panic washed over him. He had to get out of there. He couldn’t turn back into the Winter Soldier again. And if he did; he didn’t want to be anywhere near you.

So without a second thought, he fled, sprinting out of the doors and down the hallway. 

  
  


Meanwhile, you were taking on two agents by your lonesome. As you were dodging blows, you looked up for a brief moment to see Bucky running out of the room. _Where was he going?_

Within a second of your momentary distraction, a loud _bang_ sounded directly behind you and a searing pain penetrated through the lower right part of your abdomen. You looked down in shock, seeing a dark patch bloom out over the fabric of your dress. You’d been shot. 

Involuntarily, a devastating ring of purple aura rippled out from where you were standing, throwing four Hydra agents against the wall and knocking them out cold. 

You pressed your hand against the wound. Crimson seeped from between your fingers. _Shit._

Out of nowhere, a chair came flying from across the room. Your reflexes were too slow to dodge it, and it hit you directly in the back of the head. You collapsed to the floor, dazed and weak from the blood loss. 

You groaned and opened your eyes, attempting to get up. Loki was hovering over you. _When did he get there?_ He slipped one hand behind your head and the other behind your back, helping you to stand. 

In the blink of an eye, you were suddenly surrounded by white. One arm was slung around Loki’s neck, him holding you up entirely as your legs failed you. A strong smell of disinfectant overpowered your nose. Everything seemed too bright. 

You looked up to the man standing beside you, but it was… Tony? You were too disoriented to connect the dots. You didn’t know what was happening. You fought to stay conscious, the chatter around you sounding muffled. 

“This is my niece Karma,” Tony said to a nurse. “She’s been shot. Get her a room immediately.”

The last thing you felt was being loaded onto a gurney before passing out.


	11. Road To Recovery

The sound of hushed arguing slowly pulled you back into consciousness, accompanied by a rhythmic beeping noise. 

“You didn’t bother to tell any of us where you were going? What the hell were we supposed to think?” Tony hissed. They’d tracked your location down from a media report; the announcement of Tony Stark having a niece being news to the rest of the world. Loki’s illusion had worked almost a little  _ too _ well.

“You can’t possibly be lecturing me about abandonment when you fled with your fiancée at the first sign of conflict,” Loki said disinterestedly. “Would you have preferred that she bled out whilst one of you drove her to a hospital?”

Silence filled the room. Tony wanted to snap back at Loki; but he knew he was right. He’d been kicking himself for letting you get in harm’s way. As much as he hated him, he’d saved you.

“Hey.” Nat broke the tension, pointing at you as you stirred.

Tony rushed over to your side. “God, I’m so glad you’re okay… how are you feeling?”

You groaned and lifted your head, trying to sit up.

Tony’s hand found your sternum, gently pushing you back down. “Easy does it, kid. You’re fresh out of surgery.”

“Hydra…” you mumbled. 

“We took care of it.”

You rubbed your eyes. “And Loki…?”

He was standing in the corner of the room with his arms crossed, but he softened as he heard you ask for him. Still, he said nothing, prompting Cap to answer for him.

“He’s here.”

You looked around the room, your breath catching in your chest. Your wide eyes met Cap’s. “Where’s Bucky?”

Loki’s face soured once more at the mention of the soldier. 

“One of the agents there… tried to reactivate him.”

_ Shit.  _ “Is he okay?”

Tony and Cap exchanged a look. “He asked to be placed back into cryo-sleep. Said he can’t trust his own mind.”

You started to panic. You hadn’t been able to say goodbye to him, and he was probably so shaken up by the experience...

“Don’t worry,” Tony soothed you, stroking your hand with his thumb. “He’s in Wakanda, in the best hands possible. It’ll only be until they find a way to deprogram him.”

You wondered if that was even achievable. Bucky had told you that it wasn’t something he could get rid of -- that he’d have it forever. You hoped to God that Tony was right. 

You attempted to hide your worry by making a joke. “So how long do I have left to live?” 

Tony laughed. “The vibranium in your cells heals you ten times faster than a normal human. The bullet only grazed your kidney -- you’re lucky it didn’t hit something more serious.”

You supposed you should have been relieved, but you couldn’t help but think that it was your fault the reception had been ambushed. You’d put your friends in danger, and now Bucky was paying the price. 

“Sorry I ruined your dress,” you smiled at Nat, trying not to think about it.

  
  
  


Later in Wakanda, just a little over 72 hours after his arrival, Bucky found himself waking again in a small hut. As he stirred, he heard a quiet female voice at the door speaking in a language he didn’t recognise. 

He began to recite what he knew in his head.  _ My name is Bucky. I’m in Wakanda. Steve was the last person I saw before I went to sleep _ . He breathed a small sigh of relief. He wasn’t used to waking up from being frozen with his memory still intact. 

He sat up as Shuri entered. 

“Ah, I’m glad you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” he said groggily, rubbing his eyes. “How long was I asleep? Steve and the others… are they okay?”

Shuri laughed. “Relax, Sergeant. It’s been three days.”

Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed. “You fixed me in three days? How?”

“Subconscious cerebral reprogramming.”

Bucky stared at her blankly. 

“Doesn’t matter,” she sighed. “We do have to test to gauge its success, though… if that is alright with you.”

“What if it hasn’t worked?”

Shuri pulled out a small tranquiliser gun from a holster on her leg. “This is a safety precaution -- but I have a feeling it won’t come to that.”

He gritted his teeth. “Then let’s get it over with.”

Glancing over at the guard standing in the doorway, she began to recite the words. Bucky clenched his fists and began to breathe hard, feeling his heartbeat quicken involuntarily. The anticipation was agonising, not knowing whether or not he would lose control again. 

However, as she read the last word, he felt nothing. 

He took a moment to compose himself, eventually shaking his head. “Still me.”

Shuri smiled, both pleased that her experiment had worked and happy for Barnes to be free again. She didn’t know him well, but these were the kinds of things she had always wanted to use her intellectual gifts for. 

“Well,” she said, breaking the silence. “You are welcome to return home whenever you would like. Just give me a shout and we can have someone fly you back.”

Bucky paused. “I don’t know… I think I need a break for a while. I’m not sure where I’ll go yet.”

Shuri immediately understood, sparing no hesitation to respond. “You can stay here if you like.”

“Oh, I don’t want to overstay my welcome… you’ve already done so much for me.”

“Nonsense. You like goats?”

This earned a small laugh from Bucky. “I guess?”

“Looking after animals has therapeutic benefits. Okoye can show you to a small plot of land here in the Wakandan outskirts -- it’s quiet, away from all the city noise.”

The guard standing in the doorway turned around to look at the two of them. “You’re letting the white man stay?”

“Okoye,” Shuri scolded her.

She raised her eyebrows. “This is what they do; colonise.”

Bucky looked at Shuri. “Really, I don’t have to…”

“None of that,” the princess interrupted. “You are welcome for as long as you can pull your weight. I’m sure you have much to learn.”


	12. New Leaves

You shot up in your bed, covered in sweat with your chest heaving and tears streaming down your cheeks. Another nightmare, but worse this time. Instead of the nameless scientists you’d seen yourself kill, it had been your fellow members of the Avengers. Your friends. 

You knew you wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. You dragged yourself out of bed, intending to go find consolation from Bucky, getting to your door before you remembered that he wasn’t there.

You paused for a moment, thinking. You figured that instead you could get some of your stress out on the punching bags in the gym until you were tired enough to fall asleep again out of physical exhaustion. 

You opened the door to leave, only to find yourself face-to-face with Loki standing outside your room. His features were gentler than usual, softened by sleepiness and concern. 

“Hey…” you whispered. “What are you doing up?”

“I heard you screaming…” 

“Sorry, I’m okay. Just nightmares. Gonna go punch it out.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” he said softly. “You’ve only been out of the hospital for a few days.”

You frowned. “Loki, I’m fine. I can’t sleep anyway.”

There was a small pause as Loki shifted his weight between his two feet, thinking about his decision before he spoke. “I can help… if you want.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can… access others’ dreams. Control them too, if I like.”

You blinked in disbelief. “So you could help me sleep normally? No nightmares?”

“If that’s what you want.’

You sighed, defeated. You had a feeling he wasn’t going to let you train either way. Motioning for him to come in, you crawled back into your bed. He shut the door behind him and sat on an armchair just across from you.

“So how does this work?”

“Just try to relax. I’ll take care of the rest.”

Doing as he asked, you closed your eyes and tried to focus on his comforting presence. Before you knew it, you were drifting off to sleep.

Opening your eyes, you were greeted with an expansive, seemingly never-ending white space. Looking over from your position on the bed, you saw Loki sitting in the same position he had been in earlier, reading a book. 

“Am I dreaming?” you asked, unsure. 

He nodded. “If you’d like, I can create a more pleasant scenario. Place you by the beach, or--”

“No,” you cut him off, shaking your head. “This is good.”

A comfortable silence settled between the two of you. He still held his book open in his hands, but his gaze was focused on you. 

You met his eyes. “Do you want to come lie with me?”

“Is that what you’d like?” He knew it was an innocent question, but he was still somewhat hesitant. 

You nodded and moved over, making room for him. He laid down next to you silently, placing the two of you together face-to-face. You were just inches away from one another. 

This couldn’t hurt, right? It was only a dream. 

Tentatively, you reached out a hand towards his head. “Can I…?”

He looked at you quizzically, but didn’t object. You began to comb your fingers through his hair. He let out a small sigh and relaxed into your touch.

Closing your eyes, you absentmindedly continued until you fell back asleep within the dream.

You opened your eyes once more, this time back in your room. You squinted at the morning light streaming through your window. For the first time in years, you had woken up feeling calm and well-rested. 

Turning your head, you saw that Loki was gone. You sighed. You weren’t entirely sure what had passed between the two of you last night; having seen a softer, more caring side to him. Your relationship with him had very obviously escalated from teasing and flirting to something more serious. Your bed almost felt empty without him there next to you. 

Meanwhile, Loki was pacing nervously in his own room, biting his thumbnail in frustration. He wasn’t sure whether he had made a mistake. Despite his bouts of frigidity towards you, he had grown to care about you a great deal. 

Pushing people away was a defense mechanism. He thought that if he refused to allow himself to get close to anyone, they couldn’t hurt him. But you… you were so warm -- and while usually this would repel him, he couldn’t help but feel drawn to you. You knew  _ exactly _ what he was; what he’d done, and yet you were still nothing but kind to him. It was confusing and infuriating and unfamiliar.  _ What the hell was happening to him? _

  
  
  


In Wakanda, Bucky had settled into a steady routine. For the most part, he was happy. The structure and simplicity of it all helped him to relax.

During the day, he spent his time helping out on the neighbouring farm. The woman living next to him was growing old, and he was more than happy to complete some of the more strenuous tasks. His metal arm helped immensely with the work; making hoeing land for the farmers to sow seeds and moving and stacking hundreds of hay bales look almost easy. 

He quickly formed a bond with the goats that Shuri had mentioned to him, getting up every morning at sunrise to feed them before they started bleating at offensive volumes. To his surprise, the goats actually made for nice companions. He found it easy to connect with them. There was one particularly stubborn goat in the herd that he’d named Karma, her abundance of character reminding him of you. 

A lot of things reminded him of you. He just hoped you were okay.

From mid-afternoon to sundown, he would train with the Dora Milaje; an all-female group of elite warriors. Under normal circumstances, no men were to join the tribe, but after a quick briefing from Shuri they had agreed to let him train with them for the duration of his stay so that he could maintain his fitness. 

Bucky admired them a great deal -- they were fierce soldiers. He was almost no match for them at first; especially seeing as spear fighting was not an area of combat that he was particularly well-versed in, but after the first few hours of being utterly thrashed he had been able to adapt to their fighting style and stay on par. 

On the warmer evenings after training had finished, he would sit by the river near his farm and watch the children playing on the other side. They were intrigued by him. Some of the braver ones would approach him giggling, playing with his hair and asking about his arm. Bucky knew it was only harmless curiosity, and was happy to indulge them.

“Are you bothering this man again? Give him some peace and quiet, would you,” he heard Shuri call out from behind him. He turned around to see her grinning at the children, walking towards where he was sitting. 

The kids all ran up to greet the princess, trying their best to muffle their laughter.

She ruffled one of the boys’ hair affectionately. “Go on and play with your friends now.”

Doing as she asked, they all raced off happily.

Bucky smiled at Shuri as she sat down next to him, dipping her feet in the river.

“It’s okay -- they’re not disturbing me. Makes me miss being a kid,” he said, turning his metal palm over to look at it. “The war sucked, but at least I was somewhat normal back then.”

She glanced at the prosthetic. “Impressive technology for the West.”

The comment won a small smile from Bucky, but his expression quickly dropped again. “Yeah. I guess I’m grateful to still have two functional arms; but it’s a cruel reminder, y’know? They’ll always be a part of me, even if they’re out of my head now.”

Shuri nodded. She understood what he meant. Although she had helped free him from the things that Hydra had put in his mind, she couldn’t help but think that perhaps there was something more that she could do for him. She resolved to ask her brother about it later. 

For now, they simply sat in silence, enjoying one another’s company. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for over 1000 reads!! I’m so happy if even one person is enjoying this story. this is actually my first time writing a fic too so any comments, kudos or bookmarks mean the world - I love checking my email to see notifications from ao3 ^^


	13. Thawing Hearts

A few weeks had passed since your surgery. You had spent your time training with Cap and Loki to rebuild your strength, now operating at full capacity once again.

You hadn’t heard a word from Bucky. You thought about him almost every day, praying that he was alright. It killed you not knowing how long you were going to have to wait before you could see him again, even if you knew it was for the best. 

After your usual evening training session with Loki, the two of you stood on the balcony outside the gym, letting the pleasant sunset breeze cool your sweat. 

Feeling him staring at you, you turned to meet his eyes. Neither of you said a word, just looking at one another intently.

Loki reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. You stayed silent, keeping your gaze on him, curious as to what he was doing. 

He slid his hand around the back of your neck and took a step closer, his eyes never once leaving yours, giving you a chance to say no. Your breath hitched in your throat, but you didn’t move. He brought his face ever so slowly towards yours -- and before you knew it, he was kissing you.

The kiss was gentle. Warm. So starkly opposite to what Loki was usually like. You curled a hand around the back of his neck, wanting to feel him closer. 

Almost just as soon as the kiss had started, he pulled away. 

Words spilled out of your mouth before you had a chance to stop them. “Why did you do that?”

The colour drained from Loki’s face. He began to apologise profusely, but you interrupted to reassure him. 

“It’s okay, it’s not that I didn’t want it… I just want to know what you’re feeling...”

He turned away from you. “I don’t know. Forget it.”

“Loki, please--”

“I said forget it.”

Your face fell. You were so confused… just when you thought you’d finally gotten past his hard exterior, he’d put up his walls again. You tried to read his aura, but you couldn’t -- he’d masked it with his magic. 

Without another word, he turned and walked away, leaving you standing alone on the balcony. 

The truth was, Loki was scared of the things he was feeling. He thought of himself as a curse -- only capable of ruining. He couldn’t get any closer to you, because he would inevitably end up destroying it; like he always did. 

You buried your face in your hands, not knowing if you had made a mistake. You cursed yourself for letting yourself fall unwittingly. Of course, Bucky was still on your mind… and now you were well and truly stuck between the two of them.  _ What had you gotten yourself into? _

  
  


Bucky’s short vacation in Wakanda had taught him a lot. His mental health had improved significantly, having desperately needed a break. It had been nice for him to feel useful doing something other than fighting.

A lot of things were clearer to him now. He’d been able to recognise his feelings for you, as well as begin to work on forgiving himself for his past. Although the guilt was always going to be there; it had become somewhat easier to bear, knowing that a soldier wasn’t all he was -- he was still a whole person without the Avenging at the end of the day. He was treated like any other farmhand, and given how technologically advanced Wakanda was, no one even took a second glance at his arm. It had been a breath of fresh air. 

When he’d decided he was ready to return home, he met Shuri in her lab to say goodbye. 

“Ah! That look in your eyes can only mean one thing,” she smiled as he entered.

He nodded. “I can’t thank you enough for your hospitality. If there’s anything I can ever do for you…”

Shuri waved her hand in dismissal. “Kindness need not be commodified. Besides, there is one last thing I need to show you before you go.”

She pointed at a table just to the left of Bucky, covered by a sheet. “Take a look.”

Bucky pulled the sheet away, revealing a new prosthetic arm accented with gold. One glance at the black metal made it evident that it was made of vibranium. 

He froze, unable to do anything but stare in complete awe. 

“This is… incredible,” he eventually managed to get out. “Are you sure about this?”

“Of course. We don’t usually give out souvenirs, but Brother and I both agreed on this -- my job is not done until all evidence of Hydra has been removed.”

Bucky hugged her, doing his best to hold back tears. “Thank you.”

Shuri broke away and flicked his metal arm playfully. “Can’t have you carting junk around. You are not a charity cleanup service.”

He laughed, appreciative that she was trying to make light of the situation.

“Come and we’ll get rid of that. It will only be a short procedure.”

He nodded and followed her out of the room and into the operating theatre. 

  
  


The surgery was a total success, and Bucky found himself waking again before he knew it. 

He opened his eyes to see Shuri cleaning up the space around him. 

“You feeling okay?” she called out, her back still turned. 

“Never better,” he replied, his voice still thick with sleep. 

Shuri approached him and held out a fist. “Give us a victory pound.”

Bucky smiled. She was so sure of herself -- and to be fair, she had no reason not to be. 

Without even having to think about it, he raised his metal arm and connected his fist with hers. It felt lighter than the old one… less painful too. She had reattached the limb in a way that was more ergonomic, exerting less strain on his body. 

He’d never felt more free. 


	14. Reunion

You were sitting with Loki on the couch in the main room, braiding his hair -- to his reluctant agreement -- when FRIDAY piped up with an alert.

“Incoming aircraft landing on the front lawn. Passengers not hostile.”

Right on cue, you heard the gentle roar of an engine as a plane that resembled a dragonfly descended slowly onto the grass. You stopped braiding Loki’s hair and stared out the window, waiting to see who it was. 

A staircase rolled out from the side of the plane. Squinting your eyes, you saw Bucky emerging from the aircraft, smiling in your direction with his hair half tied up in a small bun. A grin broke out on your face.

Wasting no time, you leapt up from the couch and ran outside to meet him, jumping into his arms and wrapping your legs around his waist in a tight embrace. He spun you around in glee, ecstatic to finally see you again. 

“I’ve missed you,” he laughed, still holding you in the air. 

“Did it work? Are you okay?” you asked, muffled into his neck. 

“Yeah.” He let you back down onto the ground, taking your hands in his. “No more Winter Soldier. I’m free.”

You looked down at your intertwined hands and saw the glint of black and gold in the sun. 

You gasped. “Bucky, your arm!” 

“The princess of Wakanda made it for me so I didn’t have to live with Hydra’s anymore.”

“It’s gorgeous…” you said, running your thumb over his metal fingertips.

He smiled. He could tell that you meant it. A warm feeling grew inside of his chest. He had always been so ashamed of the arm, but he was now able to view it with a new outlook. Shuri had designed the prosthetic with the Japanese art  _ kintsugi _ in mind -- the craft of mending something broken with precious metals to be more beautiful than before. A renewed life.

  
  


Loki observed the interaction unfolding from inside. Cold, quiet anger brewed inside of him -- not the destructive kind, but the kind that made him withdraw and become callous. He wasn’t angry at you; not really. He’d told you to forget the other day anyway. No; he was angry at himself, terrified that he felt  _ jealous _ of Bucky. It should have been his hands that you were holding. 

Why did he care? Was his Frost Giant heart finally thawing after all?

Not wanting to subject himself to any more of the torture, he took himself off to his room, his hair left half-braided. 

  
  


Bucky pressed his forehead against yours. “Y’know, I had a lot of time to think out there. Despite everything, you were somehow always on my mind…”

You felt a pang of guilt at those words. Regardless of your developments with Loki while he’d been gone, the same was true for you. 

“You too,” you sighed. “I’m just glad you’re back…”

He lifted your chin up, locking eyes with you. “What do you say we redo that kiss, properly this time?”

You laughed and nodded, overwhelmed by emotion. 

Your lips connected, ever so softly, and you allowed yourself to get lost in him. He held you tightly around your waist, one hand cupped gently against your cheek; almost as if he was afraid the two of you would be separated again. It felt safe. It felt natural, with no trace of the uncertainty that was present with Loki.  _ Why were you thinking about Loki? _

Eventually, he broke away from the kiss and stroked your hair affectionately. “I should probably go say hi to Steve and the others…”

You nodded and walked back inside together. He gave your hand one last quick squeeze before breaking off to go find Steve, leaving you alone in the living room.

It suddenly occurred to you that Loki was no longer sitting on the couch -- you’d been too preoccupied with Bucky to notice. It wasn’t unusual for him to disappear without warning, but an uneasy feeling had settled in your stomach. You weren’t sure how much of the interaction he’d witnessed between the two of you. 

Wanting to make sure that he was okay, you made your way to his room to try and find him.

You knocked twice on the door. No answer.  _ Maybe he was sleeping? _

You tried the handle. It wasn’t locked; so you slowly cracked the door open, peering in. Out of nowhere, you were hit with a wave of freezing cold air.  _ What the hell? _

Opening the door the rest of the way, you saw Loki sitting staring at the wall, his back turned to you. A frosty mist surrounded his figure, curling off of him like smoke. The small bit of skin visible to you on the back of his neck was blue. 

You approached him slowly, making sure to shut the door behind you.

“Loki, are you okay?” you asked, worry audible in your voice.

You saw the muscles in his back tense. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Can you tell me what’s wrong? Please, I just want to help…”

He whipped his head around to face you, his face stony. His eyes were a piercing yellow, boring into you with hatred.

“There is nothing you can do to fix this,” he snarled. 

You said nothing, looking at him with pure sympathy. Poor Loki -- he was in so much pain. You didn’t even have to tap into his aura to feel it radiating off of him in waves. 

“You want to see me without any walls? Any facades?” he continued, baring his teeth. “This is it. I am the monster that parents tell their children about at night.”

You paid no attention to his verbal assault, your eyes focused on his skin. It sparkled ever so slightly in the light streaming in through the window, like crushed diamonds. You reached a hand out towards him tentatively. 

“You’re beautiful…” you murmured. 

He recoiled away from your touch. 

“Beautiful?” he laughed. “You stupid girl. This is deadly.”

“This isn’t you.”

“You don’t know anything. This is the truest version of me.”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it,” you reasoned, taking a step closer. You weren’t talking about his physical form, rather his lashing out. 

He faltered, but kept his body tense, still defensive. 

“You could never hurt me,” you whispered. 

He frowned at your response. “Why are you so insistent on being kind to me?”

The question pained you. How could anyone believe that they were so undeserving of basic, humane treatment?

In that moment, you were glad that he could perceive when others were lying.

“Because the world hasn’t been kind to you… I don’t want to hurt you, Loki.” 

Sensing your honesty, he finally let down his guard. Allowing his skin to turn back to normal, his shoulders slumped and you wrapped him in an embrace. 

As he buried his head in your chest, you felt like you finally saw a glimpse of his true self -- completely and utterly vulnerable, and suffering so intensely.

The two of you stayed just like that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy some fluff before things start to spice up again :)


	15. Sudden Siege

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: description of violence

The next day, you sat in the compound’s lab by yourself, monitoring the computer systems and analysing gamma ray patterns. Tony had gone to investigate a satellite ping from the program he had set up to track down the Infinity Stones on Earth. Despite your protests, he had requested that you stay and watch Loki. 

You sighed, staring at the screen in front of you. Nothing new had come up in the past few hours. You had resorted to playing with small balls of energy that you had created out of pure boredom. _Definitely breaking lab safety rules._

Faint rock music started to play, echoing around the lab. 

_~Well, I’m back, back_

_Well, I’m back in black~_

“Friday?” you called out, confused. 

“Incoming call from Peter Parker. Mr. Stark has redirected this communication from his cell phone.” 

You dissolved the energy spheres, thinking for a moment. Tony knew you were in here, but why would he want you to answer his phone?

You figured there was no harm in picking up. You could always tell them to call back later.

“Accept the call.”

Immediately, the room was filled with faint sounds of sirens and panicked screaming.

“Uh, Mr. Stark?” a young, male voice panted out from the other end of the line. “There’s a, uh, situation down on Madison… a little help would be nice!”

You shot up straight in your seat. “Tony’s not here, this is Karma speaking. What’s going on?”

“Woah, that’s so cool!” he gasped. “I’m Spider-Man, I heard about -- nevermind. Uh, is anyone around for backup?”

“Can you tell me what’s happening?”

“I don’t really know -- ahh! Um, there’s like a -- a spaceship? And some real creepy-looking dude is destroying the street. I’m trying to evacuate everyone in the area, but it's crazy strong.”

Your heart dropped. It could only have been the Outriders again. 

“Just hold tight. We’ll be there as quickly as possible,” you tried to reassure him. 

Just as abruptly as the call had started, the communication cut out from the other end. 

“Friday, can you try calling Tony?”

“Mr. Stark is unreachable at the moment.”

“Just my luck,” you grumbled, running out of the lab to assemble the members of the team. 

  
  


You, Steve, Bucky, Loki and Nat all loaded out of the Quinjet, suited up with weapons at the ready. A lanky figure dressed in a skintight red-and-black combat suit ran up to where you stood.

The figure pulled off the mask covering their head, revealing the face of a sweet-looking teenage boy, very out of breath. 

“Thank God you guys are here,” he panted. You recognised his voice -- this must have been Peter.

You didn’t get a chance to greet him, though, seeing an alien figure floating slowly towards you from the other end of the street. You pointed at it to draw the team’s attention.

Peter followed your gaze. “Yeah. Don’t bother fighting that thing -- it’s way too strong.”

Cap turned to you and Loki. “You two have faced them before. Can you hold it off while we evacuate the civilians?”

You nodded. Bucky caught your eye, a worried look on his face. You gave him a small smile, as if to reassure him that you’d be okay.

With that, the group of them peeled off, Peter leading the way. 

You and Loki walked up the street slowly, as not to provoke the Outrider, until you got close enough to talk. 

“Ebony Maw,” Loki said in greeting, bitterness clear in his voice. 

The creature smirked. “Talking to you directly last time proved fruitless, so we thought we would raise the stakes this time.” 

“Alright, asshole, you’ve got our attention,” you scowled. “What do you want?”

Maw tutted in disapproval before pointing at Loki.

Your face went stony. “Over my dead body.”

“If you insist.” 

It raised its hands slowly, lifting a pile of rubble into the air. With a wave of its fingers, it transformed the rubble into sharp stalactites, sending it hurtling towards you. 

Loki crouched instinctively to protect himself. Without thinking, you threw your palms out in front of you, materialising a purple wall of pure energy. The projectiles hit the forcefield and fell to the ground, leaving the two of you unharmed.

Loki looked up at you in surprise. You managed a small grin, briefly impressed with yourself, before turning your attention back to the increasingly frustrated alien. 

_So that’s how it was going to be._

Conjuring his magic, Loki made a disarming number of copies of himself, surrounding the creature and brandishing his daggers. Maw started to attack the projections, one by one. While it was distracted, you took the opportunity to get closer -- palms glowing orange and ready to kill. 

Noticing you coming, it turned and snarled at you, telekinetically picking up a parked car and throwing it directly at where you were standing. You dove out of the way, narrowly missing being hit, before firing two purple blasts of energy at the alien and hitting it square in the face. 

It stumbled for a second, stunned, leaving an opening for Loki to strike. He slashed once, twice, splitting the skin on its arm and torso. 

He was too close. 

Maw pressed a palm to his forehead, unleashing an invisible attack so powerful that the god was thrown thirty feet backwards. He landed limply on the concrete, not moving. 

“No!” you screamed, firing another strike towards the assailant. It dodged, easily, floating back towards the space craft. It had Loki exactly where it wanted him. 

A hand found your arm. You whipped around defensively, but relaxed when you saw that it was only Bucky. 

He tugged at you, pulling you away from the carnage. “We have to move. We’re overpowered here.”

“You go,” you pleaded. “I can’t leave Loki.” 

Bucky thought you were talking about your responsibility to monitor him. To you, it was more than that. 

“Doll, it’s not worth--”

You wrestled out of his grip and ran to where he lay, materialising one of your effigies behind you. 

Bucky tried to go after you, but the figure you had just created took hold of him and began to guide him away, much to his distress.

You knelt down next to the fallen demigod, wrapping your arms around his torso so you could help him up -- when out of nowhere, the ground separated from your knees and you found yourself defying gravity. 

Blue light surrounded you. You were being levitated into the spaceship.

Bucky caught your eyes from the ground, terror plastered on his face. 

“Peter!” you yelled into your earpiece. You hoped that he could web up the trapdoor, catch your leg and pull you back down; anything to save you -- but by the time he rounded the street corner, your body was halfway into the ship; and the floor closed under you, leaving you sitting with an unconscious Loki on your lap. 

Looking up, you were met with Ebony Maw’s unforgiving face staring down at you. It held a hand out toward your head -- and before you knew it, you were slumped on top of Loki, losing consciousness.


	16. Hostage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: mentions of torture (no graphic description)

Your whole body ached as you stirred, slowly regaining consciousness. 

Opening your eyes, you saw that you were locked in a small room. You attempted to move, only to realise that your hands were bound behind you in shackles. 

Looking over to your side, you found Loki still unconscious, he in the same predicament as you. 

“Loki,” you whispered. His eyes fluttered, but he didn’t respond.

Mustering up all the energy you had, you focused on charging up your fists to break your shackles. You winced as a sharp pain shot up your arms, forcing you to stop. Some sort of restriction was preventing you from using your powers. How the hell were you going to get out of this situation?

Your head shot up in alarm as the doors to the room opened, Maw entering with a towering giant behind him. Thanos.

Your disgust at the purple titan must have registered on your face, because he chuckled at you. 

“Who is this girl that you’ve brought along?” he asked his disciple. 

“No one of importance,” Maw sneered. “A mere chattering animal. She was trying to protect him.”

You saw Loki ball his fists out of the corner of your eye.

“How interesting. Is this love?”

You recoiled in surprise. “What?” 

Thanos only laughed in response. You couldn’t have been more lost. 

Loki finally spoke through gritted teeth. “Let her go and I’ll cooperate.”

“I hardly think you’re in a position to bargain, Asgardian,” Maw smirked in contempt.

Thanos clicked his tongue. “So it is love. A worthy sacrifice.” 

You looked to Loki, confused. You reached out to him with your aura, hoping he would pick up on your message using telepathy.  _ Don’t be rash. We’ll find some way to get out of here. _

If he heard you, he gave no indication. You sighed, turning back to face your captors. 

Maw looked down at you haughtily. “Shall I dispose of the girl, sire?”

“No… the universe will decide her fate in due course,” Thanos mused. 

You met his eyes incredulously. Mercy? Why?

“Only fitting for a name such as Karma.”

Before you had time to process what they were going to do, Maw snapped its fingers and you disappeared, leaving just Loki in the room. 

It pained him that the two of you were separated; but he knew it was best to keep you out of harms’ way, no matter the cost. He didn’t want you to see what they were going to do to him. 

He bowed his head, trying to keep his anger from boiling over. “You don’t stand a chance of obtaining the Space Stone. Odin -- as much disdain as I have for him -- holds the power of all the Allfathers before him. Heimdall will see you coming.”

Thanos thought about this for a moment before turning to Maw.

“Change of plans. We’ll acquire the stones from Earth first.”

Loki froze in fear.  _ No. They couldn’t. _ Your team was vastly underprepared -- you wouldn’t have a hope in hell against Thanos. 

“Of course, sire,” Maw nodded, bowing as Thanos left the room. It turned to Loki once the giant was out of sight. 

“If you betray my master, he will spare no hesitation to end your life.”

Loki remained wordless. He didn’t doubt the sincerity of Maw’s promise. It was nothing short of a miracle that he wasn’t dead already.

It placed two palms on either side of his head, grinning. “Nobody is going to come for you.”

The god cried out in pain as magic ice-cold tendrils penetrated his skull, boring into his brain. He soon went limp, unable to do anything but sit and bear the brunt of his neurological pathways being rewired against his will.

You landed back on Earth with a harsh  _ thud _ against the ground. Frantically whipping your head around, the reality of the situation hit you. It was dark. You had no idea where you were. And worst of all, Loki wasn’t with you. 

You started to hyperventilate, panicking. What was going to happen to him? What would they do to Asgard? Would there be a repeat of 2012 all over again? Were… were they going to kill him?

The tears streaming down your face bit at your skin.  _ Why was it so cold? _

You took a shaky breath in. Freaking out wasn’t going to help Loki. You raised a trembling hand to your ear to activate your comms, praying that they still worked. 

“Hello? Anyone copy?” you managed to get out in a small voice.

Tony’s response was near immediate. “Kid, is that you? Are you hurt?”

“I don’t know,” you sobbed. “I can’t feel my legs.” You’d never felt so weak, so helpless. It was almost pathetic.

You could hear Tony typing furiously on the other end. “You’re not far -- just hold tight. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Keep talking to me, okay?”

You sniffled in response. It seemed that Maw had at least had the courtesy to drop you back in New York and not Australia. You didn’t understand why they had spared your life, or why they would simply give you right back to the Avengers, but you were too exhausted to give it much thought.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Tony prompted you. There was a faint rumbling in the background. 

“They took Loki… Thanos, he -- he’s going after the Space Stone.”

“I know, kid,” he sighed. “I should have been there. The good news is that we’ve located the Time Stone, and the guys who protect it are on our side. Steve’s gone to talk to Vision. We’re gonna be okay.”

As reassuring as it should have been, it did nothing to soothe your anxiety. 

“Loki,” you cried out again. You didn’t want to think about what they were doing to him. 

Tony paused for a bit on the other end. He still didn’t like -- let alone trust -- the god, but you were very clearly distressed. You obviously cared about him. He wasn’t going to tell you to get over it. 

“We’ll figure something out, alright? Promise. We’ve got Thor up there. It’ll be okay.”

He was right. You knew there wasn’t much you could do.

A nearing rumble made your ears perk up. Looking up, you saw what could only be Tony descending slowly towards you. You managed a small smile, relieved.

Immediately after touching solid ground, the nanotech suit retracted back into the housing unit and he knelt down to envelop you in a hug. 

“I thought I lost you…” he whispered, almost inaudibly.

Tony was kicking himself for not being present while the incident had happened. First, he’d learned that Peter had dragged himself into this extraterrestrial mess -- and if that wasn’t enough to give him a heart attack, he’d damn near lost his shit when he’d learned that they’d taken you too. He was failing to protect the people he loved; just like he’d always feared he would. But that wasn’t important now -- what mattered was that you were back. 

He pulled back, moving a hand to your left knee. “Can you move this for me?”

Hesitantly, you stretched the limb out. Tony breathed a sigh of relief. They were still somewhat numb, but they worked.

His signature mischievous glint made its way back into his eyes again. “Legs are overrated anyway. You wanna learn how to fly?”

“What?”

He pulled out another housing unit from his pocket. It glowed a faint blue. 

“Our little secret. I made this for Pepper, but she never wears anything I buy her.”

That earned a giggle from you. A small nod was all the confirmation he needed, attaching it to your chest and helping you to your feet. 

“Just tap on it twice and watch the magic happen.”

Doing as instructed, you gasped when the nanoparticles started branching out to cover your body. It tickled, ever so slightly. Within seconds, your full person was covered, the heads-up display in your helmet lighting up in welcome. 

You looked over to Tony, who had suited up alongside you. 

He gave a cheesy thumbs-up. “Looking good.”

“I don’t know how to fly this…” you laughed nervously. 

“Don’t need to. Autopilot will navigate you back to the compound with me. You ready?”

You paused for a second, preparing yourself. Eventually, you nodded, and with that, you lifted off from the ground and shot into the air. 

A squeal escaped your mouth as you streaked away, flying over the water. It was surreal. The AI had auto-locked the armour’s main joints, like the knees and elbows, so there was no chance of you bending the wrong way and sending yourself crashing face-first into a school of fish. 

“This is amazing, Tony!” you gasped. 

He smiled to himself. He was glad to be able to share this experience with you. 

A comfortable silence settled between the two of you as you flew side-by-side, just enjoying the view. 

“He saved me, you know,” you said, breaking the quietude.

“Hm?”

“Loki. He said he’d cooperate if they let me go.”

Tony hummed in acknowledgement, but didn’t say anything. You decided not to push it.

Eventually, the two of you arrived back at the compound. You descended slowly, making for a surprisingly gentle landing. 

Your suit automatically retracted back into the housing unit as your feet touched the ground. You detached it from your chest and turned to Tony, holding it out. 

“Thank you,” you smiled as he took it from your hand. 

“Anytime, kid. You alright?”

You nodded. Your legs were still a touch wobbly, but you’d be fine. 

“Karma!” a voice called from across the lawn. Your head snapped up to attention.

It was Bucky.

You ran into his arms, burying your face in his chest. Tears welled in your eyes all over again.

“I’m sorry, Buck,” you said, muffled into his shirt. “I should have listened.”

He tightened his grip around you. “It’s okay, doll… I’m just glad you’re safe…”

A lie. He wasn’t okay. He hadn’t slept at all in the 30-odd hours you’d been gone, worrying himself sick. He’d thought it was his fault -- he’d failed to stop you going after Loki, and he’d almost lost you because of it. But he had to keep himself calm for you. 

Taking your arm, he led you back inside, where you could both finally get some much-needed rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise! I finished this chapter sooner than I thought, so I’m uploading a couple of days early. enjoy as we wait for what comes next :)


	17. Graveyard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "This is where the evening splits in half, Henry, love or death. Grab an end, pull hard, and make a wish."
> 
> Content warning: description of violence

“Landing location is locked, sire,” Maw called out, looking down towards the roof of 177A Bleecker St. 

“And stealth mode is activated?”

“Of course. The cloak will, however, come off after landing.”

“Very well.”

After a slow descent, the ship landed on the roof of the sanctum. The group of them exited the spacecraft in single file, Maw holding a glass jar. 

Thanos turned to Loki once they were out on the roof. “Wait in the observatory for the girl. She’ll come for you -- your job is to distract her for as long as you can.”

His hope was that you would use your powers to look into Loki’s soul. You were the most likely to understand where he was coming from -- why he had to do this. Seeing as you were able to gauge the truth of everyone’s intentions, perhaps the cloud would lift from your judgement. 

Loki nodded, a blank look on his face. “Understood.”

Maw unscrewed the lid off the glass jar, emptying its entire contents onto the ground. With a wave of its hand, the scattered orbs hatched and transformed into fully-grown Chitauri mutts, snarling with their hackles raised. 

Thanos directed his attention to his two children, Maw and Cull Obsidian. “The dogs are a mere distraction. I’m trusting the two of you to find the stone while I wait here.”

“We won’t fail you, sire,” Maw said, bowing his head in respect.

“I know you won’t.” 

Opening the door to the sanctum, the dogs went racing in, followed closely behind by the two of them. 

  
  


You were sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast with Tony, Bucky and Nat when a circle of orange sparks began to materialise in the middle of the living room. 

“Uh, guys?” you slurred around a mouthful of pancakes. 

All of a sudden, a man you’d never seen before stepped out of the circle. 

Tony’s face lit up in recognition. “What’s up, magic man?”

He shook his head. “Not the time. Your alien friends are back.”

You regretted having eaten as nausea rose in your stomach.  _ He’s going for the Time Stone. _

Tony’s face went solemn and he turned to look at the three of you. “Suit up.”

Entering through the portal, you found yourself surrounded by a group of people dressed in robes, making odd shapes with their hands fighting off the Chitauri mutts.

Down the hall, a bald woman in an orange cloak stood face-to-face with Ebony Maw and another, larger alien, casting magic and dodging their attacks. Tony had told you about the magic users, but you hadn’t expected there to be so many of them. 

The man who’d come through the portal addressed the group of you.

“These guys are too powerful for you to fight. Wong and I will help the Ancient One deal with the aliens. Stark, you go and find that purple bastard. Don’t let him come anywhere near the Time Stone. The rest of you, just focus on killing these dogs for now -- we’re outnumbered.”

Your mind went straight to Loki.  _ He had to be here somewhere. _

“They have another potentially dangerous magic user hostage,” you added. “I’ll sweep the building.”

The man nodded at you before flying down to the other end of the hall. Bucky and Nat went straight into combat, guns drawn and firing at the attacking dogs. 

You grabbed Tony’s hand before the two of you separated. “Don’t engage with Thanos if you find him, okay? Not on your own.”

He affirmed the request with a squeeze of your hand. “You know there’s a chance that Loki’s back on their side again, right?”

You hadn’t wanted to think about it, but you understood that it was a very real possibility. 

“Are you prepared to fight him if you’re confronted?”

You paused for a moment before nodding hesitantly. You hoped it wouldn’t come to that, but the safety of yourself and the team had to come first. 

With that, the two of you split off in opposite directions.

Rounding the corner, you were met with a group of three snarling Chitauri dogs. Orange light enveloped the creatures before they could even lunge at you, leaving their lifeless bodies on the floor. 

“Gross,” you muttered to yourself, stepping over them and running down the hallway. 

You sensed Loki’s presence up a set of stairs. Gazing towards the top, it looked to be an observatory room. 

Loki was waiting for you at the top of the stairwell. He stood alone in the middle of the room, facing away from you. 

You approached warily, cautious that it may have been a trap. 

“Loki?” you called out. 

He turned around, staring right through you. Something was off. 

You took a slow step forward, hands up in a gesture of surrender. “It’s me… are you okay?”

“My heroine is here to rescue me,” he purred. “Tell me, my dear -- does it ever get exhausting? Saving all of these people and doing all of this  _ good _ for no payout? Does the futility of your heroism ever cross your mind?”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “What?”

“Humans… they’re doomed. You tear one another apart routinely, fighting over land and resources and grudges. You prolong your own suffering. You desire to protect the world, but refuse to change it. What is the point of delaying your inevitable extinction?”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying, Loki…”

He took a step toward you, gesturing at the atrium ceiling. “Imagine ruling by my side as my queen, somewhere far away from this cesspit of greed and misery. Take a look above you -- the universe is vast. Once Thanos’ plan is finished, we could go anywhere we wanted.”

“What did he do to you?” you asked, backing away from him.

“I’d say he expanded my mind,” he grinned. “You have to trust me, my pet. The human psyche is simply not equipped to understand his greatness.”

You shook your head. “This isn’t you. You can stop this, Loki.”

His expression darkened. He made a move towards you; but you threw your hands up in defense, purple energy swirling around your fingertips. 

He stopped in his tracks, cocking his head. 

“Where is your respect for your king?”

Taking the chance while you had him still, you peered into his soul.

What you saw disgusted you. It was a dark, repulsive pit of pure malice and suffering, tendrils of delusion reaching out towards you. You froze in horror, shocked at what Loki had become. 

Some of it was Thanos. Some of it was… some kind of mutation, taking over his thoughts. It was unlike anything you’d ever seen before.

You called out to Loki with your aura, trying desperately to find whatever was left of him. An overwhelming dark force pushed you out in retaliation, making you cry out in pain.

You stumbled backwards and fell onto the floor, clutching your head. You shuffled away from him desperately as he towered over you. 

You could only watch in terror as his form changed, shapeshifting into Bucky.

He grinned down at you with a sickening smile. “Where is your precious team now? You’re all alone.”

“Stop it!” you cried, firing a blast of energy to his face. It made direct contact, expelling the illusion, but did nothing except anger him. 

A snarl formed on his face. Fast as lightning, he slammed your head into the ground full force, making you black out for a brief moment. 

When you opened your eyes, you could barely see straight. You were far too disoriented to use your powers, all your focus directed towards fighting the urge to throw up. Defenseless.

You reached a shaky hand down to your leg, pulling out a dagger from the holster on your thigh. You made to slice his Achilles’ tendon -- the only place you could reach -- but he kicked the knife out of your hand, sending it clattering across the floor.

He stared down at you coldly, no trace of recognition present on his face. The Loki you knew wasn’t there anymore. 

He reached down and wrapped a cold hand around your throat, cutting off your supply of oxygen.

“You think I ever cared about you?”

You clawed at his fingers hopelessly. He smiled at your futile struggle, taking pleasure in your pain.

  
  


Meanwhile, Tony had found his target on the rooftop of the sanctum. The goliath stood guarding his spacecraft, motionless and silent.

“You must be Thanos,” Tony said warily. He was careful not to engage him in combat while he was alone, heeding your warnings. Supposedly, he was one of the most powerful beings in the universe. Unstoppable if he got his hands on one of the Infinity Stones. 

“Stark.” Thanos returned the greeting.

“You know me?”

“I do,” he nodded. “You’re not the only one cursed with knowledge. You have my respect, you know.”

His response left a sour taste in Tony’s mouth. “Not sure I can say the same for you.”

“I don’t expect you to understand. How long do you plan to stall me, exactly?”

Tony bit his tongue. The titan wasn’t stupid, certainly.

“Dunno,” he shrugged. “Was hoping at least until your motley crew were dead. I take it you won’t give me the luxury?”

“Perhaps your attention would be better directed to the members of your own team. Are there any stragglers who might be in need of aid?”

The blood drained from Tony’s face as he realised who Thanos was talking about. You had gone to find Loki.  _ Shit. _

  
  


Thanos balled his fists as he watched Stark shoot back into the building. It seemed as though he had severely underestimated the strength of his opponents; namely Strange. He had believed that you were the only one powerful enough to stop him, imbued with the abilities of two Infinity Stones, but he realised now that he was yet to see the full capabilities of all Earth’s defenders. 

Neither Maw nor Obsidian were responding to Thanos’ communications through their earpieces. As pained as this made him, there was no point in him joining the fight now -- it would only cause unnecessary bloodshed, and there was no guarantee that he would win. He had to accept that he had failed, extracting a heavy toll with the loss of two of his best warriors; but he would be back. He knew exactly what he was dealing with now -- and he knew that he couldn’t rely on anyone else to obtain the stones except for himself. 

He stepped back into the ship, closing the doors behind him. He would locate one of the other Infinity Stones first. Earth would be his last stop, and he would bring an army. It didn’t matter how long it took him -- however long you had to prepare, it would never be enough. Nothing would stop him.

Taking off into the sky, his heart ached for what he was leaving behind, yet also swelled for what was to come. 

  
  


Your vision was starting to dim from the lack of oxygen. Your grip on Loki’s arm had weakened now, barely doing anything but holding it in place.

You used your last remaining bit of breath to rasp out a question. 

“Don’t… you love me?”

His grip on your neck faltered for a moment, his features still marred by malice -- but now, the slightest glimmer of recognition shone from behind his eyes. He was fighting so hard.

You gasped for air. Seizing the opportunity, you mustered up all your strength to make your palms glow orange. 

_ Please forgive me, _ you thought to yourself as you pushed your hands against his chest, draining his life force from him until he collapsed unconscious.

You stopped as soon as he hit the floor beside you, tears streaming down your face. 

Your last conscious thoughts were of you praying you hadn’t killed him as your senses faded away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for over 2000 reads and 100 kudos!! drafting the next chapters accidentally created so many plot holes so don’t mind me while I furiously try to fix them oops... I had no idea how hard writing a story could be, there are things that make sense in my head that don’t necessarily translate into the text and it’s really hard not to just expo-dump to fix it haha ^^; if you notice something that doesn't make sense, please tell me because I want this fic to be as enjoyable as possible!


	18. Waiting Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "and you realise that the one person in the world who loves you   
> isn't the one you thought it would be,  
> and you don't trust him to love you in a way you would enjoy."

Bucky rushed into the observatory to find you lying on the floor, a pool of blood underneath your head. Loki’s body lay motionless beside you. 

He knelt down and cradled your head in his hands.

“Doll, wake up,” he urged, panic rising in his voice. You stayed unresponsive.

He pressed two fingers to the side of your bruised neck. Feeling a gentle pulse, he breathed a shaky sigh of relief. 

Your eyelids fluttered open. Fear crept into your expression when you saw Bucky’s face above you, thinking Loki had shapeshifted again. 

“No, no,” you whimpered.

“Shh, doll, I’ve got you,” Bucky soothed you. You relaxed at the pet name, knowing that meant it was really him. 

“I’m here. Stay with me.”

Tony shot into the room, pausing in shock for a moment as he took in the sight before him. One look at the state you were in and blinding anger boiled over inside of him. He stormed over to the unconscious god on the floor, pointing a repulsor directly at his head.

“Tony, stop it!” you cried out. 

He turned to look at you, furious. “He did this to you?”

“It wasn’t him. Please don’t kill him,” you sobbed. Even after everything he’d just done to you, you were still defending him. At what point did your belief in him become stupidity?

Tony lowered his hand and took a deep breath, kneeling down next to you instead. He could deal with Loki later. You were the priority right now. 

“Friday, conduct a full body scan.”

Anxious silence settled in for a few moments before Friday responded. “Subject has a concussion and multiple contusions, both internal and external. Body temperature is dangerously low.”

You’d barely even noticed that your skin was cold to the touch; but thankfully, you didn’t seem to need a hospital. You just needed to warm up and rest.

“Thanos…?” you asked tentatively.

Tony shook his head. “Got away, albeit empty-handed. We couldn’t fight him.”

A shiver ran through your battered body. That meant he’d be back, no doubt. 

“C’mon. Let’s get you home.”

“What about Loki?”

Tony sighed in exasperation. “He can rot here, for all I care. I’m not having him anywhere near you again.”

You started to cry again. No matter what he’d done to you, you couldn’t bear the idea of leaving him for dead. 

“Please,” you begged. “You can put him in solitary confinement again, or Thor can take him back to Asgard... you can keep us separated, just please, don’t leave him. What if Thanos uses him again to get the stones?”

The last part made Tony waver. It was true that Loki was better in the Avengers’ hands than the enemy’s. 

“Fine. Barnes, I’ll take her back to the compound. I’m not touching him.”

Bucky complied, placing you gently into Tony’s arms. The soldier picked the demigod up with ease, following Tony as he carried you down the stairs. 

Strange was standing in the hallway with Wong and the Ancient One, assessing the damage to the sanctum. Maw and Obsidian lay on the floor along with tens of the Chitauri mutts, lifeless. 

Tony turned to Strange. “You changed your mind about putting that thing down a garbage disposal yet?”

The doctor gave him a glare. “This stone saved our asses just now, and may very well be our best chance against Thanos. Find another way.”

Silence fell, amplifying the solemnness hanging in the air. It was clear that everyone was at a loss.

Without being asked, Wong opened a portal back to the compound, even as exhausted as he was. 

“Wong, you’re invited to my wedding,” Tony winked, trying to lighten the mood. The man smiled wordlessly as the group of you walked through, closing it behind you. 

He locked eyes with Bucky. “You know where to put him.”

Bucky nodded wordlessly, making his way downstairs with Loki still in his arms.

Tony set you down in front of the fireplace and turned it on. Even as he grabbed blankets and draped them around your shoulders, you still shivered. 

Nat sat down on the couch, rubbing her temples. “This is evil like we’ve never seen before.”

You sighed. “Thanos doesn’t believe he’s evil. He truly thinks he’s the only being in the universe that has what it takes to save humanity from destroying itself. It’s like… a necessary sacrifice for the greater good.” 

“What I don’t get is the point of storming the sanctum if he just ended up leaving without the stones,” Tony mused. “It accomplished nothing.”

You frowned. “I don't think he was prepared. He’s used to massacring planets with no issues -- and given how overpowered we were facing Maw alone before, he probably assumed the stones would be easy pickings. He barely brought the army we know he has.”

“Not from those uptight magicians. Strange is more than happy to trade lives for the Time Stone to stay intact,” Tony scoffed.

Nat cocked her head at you. “How come you know so much about Thanos?”

“He was inside Loki’s head. Like he’d… rewired his thoughts to match his own. There was something else in there, though.”

“And what’s that?”

“Pain clouds his judgement. He doesn’t realise that. I think that mutated inside of Loki, which is why he tried to kill me.”

“Is it the concussion, or are you seriously making excuses for them right now?” Tony asked, looking at you in disbelief. It felt disturbingly similar to Ultron.

“I’m not, I just… it’s easier to understand, that’s all.” You tugged the blankets tighter around you, staring into the fire.

Bucky re-entered the room, scratching his head. “He woke up as I was putting him in the cell. He’s not in murder-mode anymore, which I guess is a good thing.” 

Tony began to pace in frustration. “Thor’s taking too long. He needs to take the greasy weasel back to where he came from.”

You ignored the comment, sensing his anxiety rising. You could hardly blame him -- all of you felt utterly powerless. You knew Thanos was coming back, but what could you do except wait?

You hoped that Steve would return with Vision, and Thor with some sort of news. Maybe then you would be able to figure out some sort of plan. It was torture; not only biding time like sitting ducks, but also watching your friends in distress. 

“We’re all in the same boat here,” you reasoned to Tony, trying to keep him calm. “This is nothing any of us were ever prepared for.”

Tony gave you a half-hearted smile, momentarily suppressing his severe panic. He had to be strong for the rest of the team. “Right. Well, if we’re looking for more positive news, Rhodey’s back from his assignment. He’s bringing Sam back too.”

This comforted you some, but you knew it wasn’t going to be enough. Still, you needed all the help you could get. 

Almost perfectly on cue, the elevator doors opened and out stepped the three people you needed to see most. Steve, Vision and Wanda. Matching your mood, however, none of them were smiling. 

“What took you so long?” Tony directed at Cap as they walked in. 

“We were… negotiating,” Vision frowned pensively. “About what is to happen to the stone in my head.”

You froze as you picked up on his aura, realising what he meant.

“Destroying it is the only way to be sure that Thanos can’t get it.”

“But,” Steve interjected, “As we discussed, that is an absolute last resort. We still have time before he comes back --  _ if _ he comes back -- to figure something else out. We’re not trading lives right now.”

“I guess we’d better get to work, then,” Tony said through gritted teeth, walking past the group of them and making his way to his lab. The culmination of the last few weeks topped off with today’s events had taken far too much of a toll on him. Any more standing around talking in circles and he would snap.

Members of the team made their way back to their respective rooms, most wise enough to know that the atmosphere was far too tense for comfort. At a time like this where all of you needed more than ever to stick together, you could almost see the fractures forming between the group of you. It scared you.

Bucky crouched down beside you. “How’s a hot shower sound?”

You shook your head, smiling. “I’m okay. You go and I’ll join you later -- I just need a second with Steve.”

Bucky turned his head to Steve leaning against the wall, who seemed surprised. The long-haired brunette stood up and gave his friend’s shoulder a small squeeze before leaving the room, letting Steve come and take his place beside you in front of the fire.

“What’s up?”

You rested your chin on your knees drawn up in front of you. “What do you do when someone who loves you tries to kill you?”

Steve looked at you, wide-eyed. “Bucky didn’t…”

“No, never,” you gasped, realising what he would assume. “Not Bucky.”

You paused. He stayed silent, patiently waiting for you to continue.

Pulling the blanket covering your neck down, you exposed the finger-shaped bruises to him. 

“Loki… he was brainwashed, and today…” you trailed off. “I’m only alive because he stopped when I asked if he loved me.”

Steve nodded, processing the information. He’d always been particularly perceptive at picking up the subtle nuances in others’ interactions; and he’d noticed the way that Loki changed around you. He was undecided in opinion about the god, but it made sense.

He began to tell you about one encounter that he’d never forget -- back in 2014, when Bucky was sent to kill him as the Winter Soldier. The aircraft they were standing in was falling out of the sky; and sure, he had the capacity to fight him, but he refused out of pure love, instead choosing to let Bucky finish what he’d been sent to do. He’d recited an old saying of theirs --  _ with you until the end of the line _ \-- and it had triggered something in Bucky, long enough for him to stop fighting for a brief moment. He’d later ended up pulling him from the river, saving him from drowning. 

“But I forgave him, because he wasn’t in control,” Steve finished. “I loved him, and I knew the Bucky that loved me too was still in there somewhere. You’ve got every right to be scared of Loki, but he’s probably telling you the truth.”

“I just don’t understand how it’s possible,” you sighed. “I’m so confused…”

Steve placed a comforting hand between your shoulder blades. “You don’t know what you feel for him?”

“No. I don’t know if I can even look at him the same way after this… and then there’s Bucky, God bless him, I just… I care about them both, so much, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be scared of Loki, and I don’t want to hurt Bucky.” You buried your head in your knees. “I can’t win.”

“If it helps, I haven’t seen Bucky this happy in a long while,” he said, rubbing your back in a soothing gesture. “Give it time. No matter where your heart ends up, he’ll appreciate what you’ve done for him.”

It did help, if only a little bit. Like most other situations in your life right now, all you could do was wait. 

Too bad you sucked at that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don’t look at me I’m a thanos sympathiser :( not endgame thanos, he can choke, but I do feel sorry for IW thanos. yes I also hate him for killing loki. we exist


	19. Make Me Forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "How, like always, he invents the monsters underneath the bed to get you to sleep next to him, chest to chest or chest to back, the covers drawn around you in an act of faith against the night.”
> 
> Content warning: contains smut! If you’d rather skip reading explicit content, you’re more than welcome to just read the first half of the chapter and skip the second. There won’t be any major plot details in there :)

That night, after everyone had gone to bed, you resolved to visit Loki in his cell. You couldn’t begin to articulate why, but something was still -- however perplexingly -- drawing you to him. You needed to see him normal again. Anything to get rid of the vision of him you had in your mind. 

Holding your pillow and dragging a blanket behind you, you tiptoed down the stairs. What you saw when you got to the bottom stopped you in your tracks. 

Loki looked a mess. The rims of his eyes were red, presumably from crying. His hair was unruly. Blood decorated his knuckles -- and it wasn’t from the earlier fight. 

Your heart broke at the sight. You still cared so immensely for him, but you couldn’t help replaying the memory of him torturing you over and over. Even if it wasn’t  _ really _ him that had hurt you, he’d still done it. 

As a precaution, you read his aura just to make sure that he was safe to be around again. By some miracle, whatever had been put into him before was entirely gone. 

Loki’s eyes lit up as you approached the cell, although sadness still lingered behind them.

“Why are you here?” he whispered, a little apprehensive. 

“I just didn’t want you to be alone.” You didn’t know what else to say. Talking to him almost felt… foreign. You hated it.

He watched you put your pillow on the ground and lay your blanket out as you sat. He couldn’t fathom why you would want to be around him after what he’d done to you. 

You met his eyes again as you lay down, him now mirroring your movements. 

“Goodnight,” you said, pulling the blanket over you. 

You shivered, but not from the cold. In an attempt to quell your anxiety, you reminded yourself that he was back to normal again -- but even if he wasn’t, there was no way he could get through the cell. He wouldn’t hurt you. 

Sleep brought little respite, however.

_ His hands on your throat. His face, staring down at you, cold and unfeeling.  _

_ Cold fingers slinking up your shirt, burning your skin. Sheer panic as you try to speak -- to object -- yet no sound comes out of your mouth. Twisted, evil laughs echoing around you, with no one to save you.  _

_ Your vision going black as he sucks the life out of you.  _

You woke up screaming, clutching at your neck. Whipping your head around in fear, you saw Loki looking at you from within his cell, an equal amount of terror plastered on his face. 

You shuffled away from him instinctively, still finding it hard to breathe.  _ How could he? _

Tony came running down the stairs, having been woken by your shriek. Upon seeing that the cell door was still closed and that you weren’t visibly injured, just distressed; he stormed past you and straight to Loki. He was too pissed off at the god to be mad at you for coming to see him.

“You are only here because she  _ begged _ me not to leave you behind,” he spat, furious. “One more misstep and I will personally have you ejected into the goddamn stratosphere. Do I make myself clear?”

Loki hung his head, too tired to defend himself. “I can help, just let me --”

“You’ve done  _ enough _ . You know damn well who she’s having these nightmares about.”

You brought your knees to your chest as you sobbed, rocking in a self-soothing action. The two men yelling in front of you were doing little to help your panic.

“Please stop,” you said between gasps. “Please stop.”

Tony’s face dropped as he realised that you were having an anxiety attack. He crouched down next to you and wrapped his arms around you.

“Hey, kid. You’re alright. I’ve got you.”

You didn’t know how long you stayed like that, Tony comforting you and Loki looking on in a mixture of exhaustion and helplessness. Once you had calmed down enough to stop crying and regulate your breathing, you removed yourself from Tony and lifted your head from between your legs. 

You met Loki’s eyes with a pained look. “Why didn’t you stop that dream?”

His face fell. “I tried… I couldn’t. You dragged me into it -- I don’t know how. I… I dreamt the same thing as you, from my perspective. I promise you, I would have stopped it if I could.”

You closed your eyes and focused in on him again. His aura was clear as day -- for once, not hiding a single thing from you, baring all of himself completely out in the open. He was telling the truth, although it didn’t make the situation any less painful. 

Why did this have to happen to you?

Tony stood up, holding out his hands. “C’mon. Let’s get you back upstairs.”

You nodded numbly, letting him help you up off the floor. 

Taking one last tearful look at Loki, you turned and ascended up the stairs, dragging your blanket behind you. 

  
  


Over the next few days, you wore yourself down into an absolute state. All you’d been doing was working, barely sleeping or eating -- partly because you knew that any rest would be pervaded with nightmares, and partly because you were too terrified about the coming conflict to do anything else. Thanos was out there somewhere in space, his progress unknown to any of you. He could strike again at any minute and you’d never be prepared enough. You couldn’t stand the idea of just waiting around helplessly for Thor to come back with some kind of news. 

You hardly acknowledged Tony’s existence as he entered the lab, the clock ticking just past 5am.

“Friday, shut computer systems down.”

You shot him a glare as the monitor in front of you turned black. “What was that for?”

He walked over to you, putting a hand on your shoulder. “When was the last time you slept?”

“I had a nap for 20 minutes,” you grumbled. “I’m fine.”

“Yeah, no. You look like shit. Full offense.”

You said nothing, staring at him with a completely unamused look on your face.

“Here’s the deal,” he said, clapping his hands together. “I’m gonna give you some temazepam, you’re going to  _ actually _ get some rest, and then you’re gonna leave the compound for the weekend.”

You raised an eyebrow. “You’re kicking me out?”

“Yep. This is depressing. Trust me, kid -- productivity’s kind of my thing. You’re no use in a state like this.”

It was entirely hypocritical of him to say. He’d been fretting just as much as you, analysing scenarios and tinkering with suits until he collapsed from exhaustion; but he wasn’t going to reveal that to you -- or anyone on the team, for that matter. There couldn’t be a single weak link at a time like this.

You sighed, defeated. Protesting wouldn’t work against Tony. Once he’d made up his mind, there was almost no convincing him otherwise.

So, reluctantly, you stood up from your chair -- you hadn’t realised how much your muscles were aching -- and followed Tony out of the lab. 

  
  


You found yourself waking much later than you’d anticipated, golden afternoon light streaming in through your bedroom window. 

You rubbed your eyes. Seemed like those drugs really did the trick -- you’d been out cold for almost 12 hours, without any nightmares at that. 

You lifted your head up at the sound of a soft knock at your door.

“Come in,” you called out, sleep still present in your voice.

Bucky’s head peeked around the door, earning a small laugh from you. He made his way over to the bed, sitting himself beside you. 

“Hey, sleeping beauty,” he smiled. “Feeling ok?”

You nodded, raising your arms up to stretch. 

“I’ve got a surprise for you.”

Your eyes twinkled with mischief. “Do tell.”

He looked delighted as he explained what he’d planned. The two of you would go out clubbing in the city tonight. He’d booked a hotel for you to stay at, as well as bought face masks for you to try together -- and, going the extra mile -- he’d take you to do anything you wanted tomorrow. 

You sighed happily. How could you refuse an offer like that? You knew that he was stressing too, but he was being unbelievably sweet. 

“Car’s gonna be here in an hour, so I’ll leave you to get ready, okay?”

You went through your usual routine; showering, doing your hair, and applying some light makeup. You put on a short black bodycon dress, accessorising with silver jewelry and a leather jacket -- but for the sake of saving your feet, you opted out of heels and pulled on your usual combat boots instead. 

You were dressed up, but you still felt like you. And damn, if you didn’t look good. 

Bucky laughed when you walked out to meet him in the living room. It seemed as though the two of you had coordinated by accident. He was also dressed entirely in black; sporting a crew neck t-shirt, tight jeans and a leather jacket of his own. 

“Looking good, doll,” he whistled in approval. 

You stifled a giggle as you took his arm, walking out to the car where you were driven into the city. 

You arrived at a somewhat hidden, sketchy-looking nook in one of the quieter streets of Manhattan. You raised an eyebrow at the man next to you, silently questioning his judgement. 

He tutted in mock disapproval. “I know I’m a Brooklyn boy, but you gotta trust me.”

True to his word, after entering through the door and descending a flight of stairs you were met with a bustling, neon club pumping vibrant house music.

Bucky took your arm and led you onto the dance floor, gently maneuvering you around the crowd of sweaty bodies. 

The beat reverberated through your bones. You shuddered. He pulled you close, resting his forehead against yours and wrapping his hands around your waist. 

“Just relax. Focus on me. We’re here to have fun, remember?”

You started to step in time to the rhythm, wrapping your arms around his neck. One toothy grin from the man in front of you was all you needed to relax -- it was contagious; and involuntarily, a smile broke out on your own face. 

You laughed as he twirled you around and dipped you backward, old-school style. It was so  _ Bucky. _ This club seemed like the polar opposite of his alley, but he was having fun all the same.

The two of you danced together just like that for a few more songs, when the music slowed and a more sensual beat started to play. You had your back to him, his hands resting on your waist as you swayed your hips to the rhythm. 

He spun you around to face him, sliding a palm to rest flush against your lower back. 

_ Push, press, more, less _

_ Here together _

_ What’s your pleasure? _

_ Stop, go, fast, slow _

_ Here together _

_ What’s your pleasure? _

His lips tickled your neck as he guided you to press your entire body against him. You sighed, looking up at him through half-lidded eyes. 

Electricity sparked between the two of you.  _ Oh, to hell with it. _

With one hand tangled in his hair, you pulled his head down, connecting your lips with his in a hungry kiss. He responded with an equal amount of passion, nipping at your bottom lip. 

His hands trailed down from your waist to your rear, squeezing your ass possessively through your dress. As you gasped in a mixture of surprise and pleasure, he seized the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. 

You melted into his touch, sliding a hand down his chest to palm him through his pants. 

He broke away from the kiss to growl in your ear. “Not here.”

You didn’t need to hear any more than that. You needed  _ him. _ Taking his hand, you tugged him out of the crowd and towards the exit. 

Back at your hotel, the two of you burst through the door to your room with your lips locked together. Bucky slammed it behind you, pushing you up against the wood.

Your mind flashed back to months ago when Loki had mimicked the same motion in the training room. You squeezed your eyes shut tight, trying to block out the image. 

Your hands roamed fervently, achingly, needing to feel every inch of him; desperate to drown out the memory with whatever sensory input you could. Jackets and shoes were shed hastily and cast onto the floor. 

Bucky separated himself from you for a moment, feeling wetness on your cheeks. You hadn’t noticed the errant tears falling. 

“Hey…” he said softly, cupping your face with concern in his eyes. “You okay?”

You wiped at the wetness with the back of your hand. “Yeah.”

“Look at me.”

You gazed up at him, doe-eyed.

“Are you sure you want this? We can stop if it’s too much.”

God, he was perfect. Always so caring. Did you want this?

Yes. You did. You needed him. You needed to forget about Loki, forget what he’d done to you, forget whatever the fuck you felt for him. 

You loved Bucky. You could say that for certain. He was your rock, the only thing that had been consistent in the past few very turbulent months of your life. Uncomplicated and safe. 

You balled your fists in his shirt, pulling him closer again.

“Please, Buck…” you murmured into his ear, sending shivers through his body. “Make me forget.”

That was all the permission he needed.

Effortlessly, he hoisted you up, wrapping your legs around his waist and pressing his mouth to yours once again. You focused on the contrasting feel of his hands on your bare skin, metal on thigh, flesh on thigh.

He laid you down on the pillowy hotel-room bed, ever so gently, placing his hands on either side of your head. His lips moved to your neck, your collarbone, licking and sucking, making you arch your back in ecstasy. 

Your hands found the waistband of his pants. You fumbled blindly with his belt, your impatience getting the better of you. He chuckled against your skin. 

“Easy, doll. We’ve got all night.”

“Need you now,” you breathed. You were desperate. Needy.

He snaked his metal hand under your dress, playing with the elastic of your lace underwear briefly before pulling them down and slipping a single finger inside of you.

You gasped, bucking your hips into his palm. 

His kisses fell over your body like stars, worshipping you as he continued to work you, adding another digit and stretching you. He felt like heaven and so much more. 

He trailed down your body before coming to rest between your legs, still pumping his fingers, his stubble now lightly scratching at your inner thighs. 

“So pretty for me, doll,” he whispered. His words barely had time to take effect on you before he attached his mouth to your core. You cried out and fisted a hand in his hair, overwhelmed at the sensations building inside of you. He hummed in pleasure as you tugged at his locks, only adding to the tightness of that all-too-familiar coil in your stomach. 

Yet just before you could reach your peak, he pulled away, leaving you squirming and whining at the sudden emptiness. 

Any complaints were quickly quashed, however, as he took his shirt off -- and you could do nothing but stare in awe at his stature. Sharp collarbones, broad shoulders, abs cut from the cloth of gods, and a deliciously perfect V-line trailing down…

A shyness overtook Bucky suddenly, him averting his eyes from yours. 

You sat up, running your hands over his stomach. “What’s wrong?”

He didn’t need to give you a verbal answer. The way he twisted his torso to the left, hiding the juncture where metal met skin, told you everything you needed to know. 

“Hey.” you said softly, turning his face back towards yours and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “No hiding. You’re beautiful.”

He bit his bottom lip nervously, searching your eyes for any trace of a lie. 

You pulled him onto the bed beside you, straddling his waist and planting more kisses on his chest. 

“Let me show you…” you hummed, fingers finally unbuckling his belt, pulling his pants down and letting them fall to the floor. You rid yourself of your own clothing after that, pulling your dress up over your head, the both of you now equally vulnerable. He slid his hands up your legs appreciatively, coming to rest on your waist.

Lining yourself up above him, you met his eyes again, silently asking for permission. An open-mouthed nod from the man below you and you began lowering yourself onto him agonisingly slowly, sighing and seeing stars at the bliss of being so utterly  _ filled. _

Once you had adjusted to his size, you started to move, eliciting whispers of  _ fuck, doll, you feel so good _ as you grinded your hips into him. 

A sly grin broke out on your face, delighting in the control you had over him. 

Bucky didn’t like your cockiness. In a flash, he sat up and flipped you over, now towering over you as he pushed you into the bed. He entered you once again, increasing his pace brutally, hitting an entirely different spot inside you. 

Curses spilled from your lips as he rocked into you, invoking his name and God’s name -- hell, they were all the same to you anyway -- palms splayed across his back, digging red crescents into his skin. It felt like too much and somehow not nearly enough. 

The coil inside of you returned all too quickly, and before you knew it you were falling from your summit, singing  _ Bucky, Bucky, Bucky _ like a choir as he broke you apart and inexplicably put you back together. He reached his peak not long after, spilling into you, sinking his teeth into the intersection of your neck and your shoulder.

And then he stilled, pulling you even closer, soft moonlight reflecting on the light sheen of sweat covering his body. He pressed his lips to your forehead as the two of you lay there, breath still not yet slowed, quivering ever so slightly in one another’s arms. 

You thought the boy must have been a miracle. The two of you could be exactly who you were and never have to apologise for a single thing. Both of you fragmented and ruined, but you would give each other the whole damn world until slowly, you became whole again.

So when he whispered the first  _ I love you _ into your ear, you spared no hesitation to say it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was this at all necessary? no. did I have a blast writing it? absolutely. honestly, I just really miss clubbing because of covid and wanted to live vicariously for a bit... this is also my first time ever writing smut, so please be nice!  
> feel free to also let me know if you guys want more of this kind of thing or if you’d prefer I keep it PG (this is almost certainly a one-time occurrence for this particular story but I would be very open to writing oneshots!)


	20. Departure

The weekend came and went far too quickly for your liking. By the time you returned to the compound with Bucky, you were feeling much better. As much shit as Tony gave you, he was right -- you had really needed the break -- and now you were feeling less stressed, more clear-headed and ready to perform at your best again. 

Bucky seemed happier as well. The two of you hadn’t solidified anything to do with your relationship yet, but you didn’t need to. You loved one another, and that was all that mattered. Anything more was better left unspoken for now -- you didn’t have the time to be agonising over labels. You still had a job to do. 

Monday morning was the closest thing you’d had to normalcy in a while. You and Bucky stood together in the kitchen cooking breakfast, laughing and teasing one another. 

The happy atmosphere was contagious. Steve sat on a stool at the counter watching the two of you, smiling and joining in on the banter with his best friend. Tony, of course, stood off to the side; making periodic quips about how disgusting happy couples were and giving you the admittedly deserved  _ I told you so _ speech. You would almost have forgotten about the looming threat of the impending war. 

On that note, you were sorely reminded that this was a very rare glimpse of joy in an overwhelmingly bleak period. The truth was; the team had made no progress in repairing their increasing separation. Rhodey and Sam had just gotten in that morning, who mostly had no idea of what was going on. Vision had volunteered to fill them in downstairs; alone.

It was rare for he and Wanda to be separated, but she had elected to train in the gym with Nat. It had been hard between the couple lately, both of them carrying the knowledge that the decision to save half of the universe may very well end up falling on her. You shuddered at the thought. You were glad that she and Nat were friends, at least -- Wanda was barely an adult, and she’d already lost most of the people she loved. It wasn’t fair; but if there was one person who could help put things in perspective, it was Nat.

Your thoughts fell to the assassin as you flipped a pancake. She seemed so infallible. Even with your powers, you could never really tell what she was truly thinking -- she simply got on with whatever had to be done. Any emotional involvement was secondary to her.

It was admirable, in some ways. While your own capacity to feel others’ emotions had its benefits, you couldn’t help but worry if it might eventually lead to your downfall one day. Saving Loki, sympathising with Thanos… it was easier not to dwell on it. 

Your train of thought was interrupted as blinding light streamed through the windows, immediately directing everyone’s attention to the lawn. Your eyes lit up with surprise when you recognised Thor standing on the grass, singed in a circle around him. 

You ran out to greet him and threw your arms around him in a hug. He returned the gesture before pulling back silently, looking out at the rest of the group who had followed behind you, all meeting his gaze expectantly. 

There was an uneasiness in his demeanor.  _ So much for a nice morning,  _ you thought, frowning as you stepped back.

“I don’t have good news. My father is nearing the end of his time.” Thor’s expression was solemn.

That couldn’t be good. As far as you were aware, Odin was one of the only things stopping Thanos from taking the Space Stone. 

“Thanos has located the Power Stone on Xandar. He’s on his way there now, but... Heimdall tells us that he plans to come for Asgard after Odin’s death. I’m sorry I can’t stay -- I’ll need to take Loki back with me to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

Tony straightened his posture, somewhat relieved that Loki would be out of the way. “He’s all yours, but what took you so long?”

Thor gave him a small glare. “The chaos you see on Earth is mirrored in all of the Nine Realms. If it’s of any comfort, Bruce is safe with us on Asgard.”

“Bruce is on… you know what? Won’t bother questioning it. You couldn’t bring him back with you?”

“He’s helping us locate the final Infinity Stone -- the Soul Stone. Its location remains unknown, even to Thanos. But there is no time to waste.”

Tony exchanged a look with Bucky. Wordlessly, the long-haired man went to go retrieve the jailed demigod from his cell inside. 

You looked to Thor, worried. “What’s going to happen if Thanos comes to Asgard? Should we go with you?”

Tony shot you daggers. Loki was going to Asgard to get  _ away _ from you. 

To his relief, Thor shook his head. “If he successfully obtains the stone on Xandar, Earth is going to need its best defenders here.”

You opened your mouth to object, but thought better of it. It was true that you were more useful here than an alien planet, even if you didn’t like it. 

Steve and Tony spent the next few minutes filling Thor in on what had happened on Earth while he was gone. You chewed your thumb anxiously until you heard the click of the back door. 

Snapping to attention, you saw Bucky leading Loki towards the group -- his head hung and hands still shackled. Despite everything, your heart sank to see him so miserable. You hoped that he’d be happier on Asgard. 

Thor grabbed him by the shoulder in a rough yet comforting gesture. “Look alive, brother. We’ve got work to do.”

Loki gave you one last pained smile as Thor raised Mjolnir to summon the Bifrost. 

His soul called out to you.  _ I won’t let you down. _

A flash of blinding light surrounded the siblings, and then they were gone -- yet instead of relief, you felt a twang in your chest. Another member of the team separated. Those remaining stood silently, making no attempt to collaborate as a unit but instead all thinking independently.  _ What the fuck was happening to everyone? _

Tony gave you a weak smile before clicking his tongue and turning on his heel. “Let’s get back into gear, kid.”

You followed him inside, getting to the staircase before changing your mind. There wasn’t much more progress you could make in the lab with him, but there was someone downstairs who could help you. 

Training against an Infinity Stone might have given you a shot in hell against Thanos. At the very least, it was worth a try. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we’re back again! Sorry for the extended hiatus over the holidays, there’s been a lot going on that left me with almost no time to write. I also apologise that this is more of a filler chapter than anything satisfying. I was finally able to visit my family who I hadn’t seen in over a year due to the pandemic, and now life’s gone crazy with university starting again. Thank you for being patient with me -- I see the story topped over 3000 hits while I was gone, which is wonderful! I’ll try to update when I can, but there really will be no regular schedule. Much love :)


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